#like i’ve been focusing on myself all my life and it hasn’t done shit

[unknownn-girl]

“focus on yourself” is genuinely the dumbest fucking advice ever

[lilyswritings]

late.

synopsis: your boyfriend’s superhero antics give you a fright, and it’s up to him to reassure you of his well-being when he returns home from the fight. 

author’s note: i’ll admit, this has been sitting in my drafts for the longest time... likely since no way home came out! but i’ve been trying to get back into the swing of writing, and i figured it was a good idea to start with finishing up some works in progress before diving into anything new. so here’s some peter angst and fluff, just like the good ol’ days. enjoy!! 

wordcount: 1,613 

18. “It’s late. Shouldn’t you be asleep?” 25. “What the hell were you thinking?!” 48. “Why are you crying?”

Peter Parker x Reader

      The window to the bedroom slides open, a figure in blue and red quietly stepping through the frame and carefully sliding the window shut behind him, all the while listening intently for any signs of life in the apartment beyond. Satisfied that he hasn’t woken his aunt, Peter turns around only to be startled by a figure sat in the darkness of the room, criss-cross on his bed. 

      “Shit.” He curses, huffing out a laugh when he realizes it’s only you. “It’s late,” Peter starts, tugging his mask off and tossing it onto his desk as he turns towards his closet to grab a t-shirt and sweatpants. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?” 

      He doesn’t notice how silent you are until you don’t respond, when he turns around mid-unzipping his outfit to find you staring at him — like you’ve seen a ghost. Later, he’ll blame the shadows in the darkened room as why he didn’t immediately notice the shine of dried tears on your cheeks, or the way you’d bitten your nails down to the skin like you always did when you were panicking. 

      For now, though, he’s too focused on getting out of his suit and into comfortable clothes, the events of the evening still making his brain run haywire as he runs everything that he did that went wrong through his mind, planning for next time. 

      “Look, I’m sorry for returning so late,” He begins, tugging the suit off. “I lost track of time, I meant to text you but I think my phone got smashed in the fight and I’m probably going to have to at least replace the screen if not the whole thing.” He rambles, until finally, he’s changed entirely into casual clothes, and he lets out a sigh. When he turns around, finally, your expression has morphed from one of shock into anger, and he frowns at the sudden shift in emotion. 

      “What?” He asks, immediately wracking his brain for what he could have done to piss you off in the last few minutes. In response, you push yourself up and off the bed, coming to stand face-to-face with him as you take in his injuries, brow furrowed and arms crossed.

      “What was that?” You ask, gesturing vaguely to the window in reference to his escapades of the night.

      “Oh, it was just that Rhino guy again, turns out he escaped from prison and was trying the same ol’ shtick of—”

      “Rhino?” You cut him off, hands moving to your hips, and Peter winces, realizing his error. 

      “Yeah, uh, I know I said I wouldn’t take him on again by myself, but he was actively driving away with some radioactive materials and the police weren’t even close to him at that point so if I hadn’t stepped in chances are he would have gotten away and—”

      “So you went alone? What the hell were you thinking?” You demand, not letting him finish, watching his eyebrows tug together as he becomes defensive. 

      “Hey, come on, I can handle myself. I’m Spider-Man.” Peter retorts with a cocky smile, although still evidently confused, and you shove at his chest. “What the hell—” He begins to argue, smile dropping.

      “It’s not funny. You could have been killed!” You hiss, barely containing an angry shouting match as you try to keep your voice down to not wake Aunt May up. 

      “Are you— Why are you crying?” Peter asks, finally, and you freeze, only now noticing the feeling of tears running down your cheeks. He steps forwards delicately, hands up, and you step back, watching his expression morph into one of hurt.

      “What’s going on with you?” He asks, obviously confused, and you fling a hand out towards your open laptop as your other hand comes up to hastily scrub at your cheeks, as if to erase the tears altogether. 

     Peter, still looking at you with concern in his eyes, hesitantly sits down on the bed and turns the laptop on. The blue glow of the screen lights up his face as he reads the open article, mouth opening slightly as he pieces together your reaction. 

      The headline ‘Spider-Man: Gone For Good?’ stares back at him, along with an attached video of himself in his costume being smashed into the side of a building and remaining there, unmoving, until the video cuts out. ‘Spider-Man severely injured... Worried crowd of onlookers... Has the city’s hero been defeated?... No sign of hero since the incident...’ Peter’s eyes skim the article, before he turns to face you with a softened expression, noticing that you haven’t stopped crying, though you’re frustratedly scrubbing at your face in hopes of wiping away the evidence.

      He stands up from the bed and approaches you, and this time, you let him place his hands on your shoulders as you wipe at your face. “I’m so sorry,” He starts, voice quiet, moving to tilt your chin up with his hand. “That must have been really scary for you.”

      You swallow thickly, taking in a shaky breath as you lock eyes with him. “It said you were dead.” You whisper, voice breaking slightly on the last word. “The video—” You stop yourself, tears beginning to well up anew in your eyes, and Peter winces.

      “I’m sorry. I didn’t know there was a news station, I was just— I needed to rest for a minute, that was it. I had no idea...” He curses himself internally — he should have been on the lookout for cameras, what if he’d taken his mask off? He never wanted you to see him in a fight, let alone see him get hurt that badly. 

      You nod, hand coming up to rest on his cheek, eyes skimming over the bruise on his cheekbone that seems to be disappearing with each passing second. Yay healing powers, you think sarcastically. “Okay. I’m sorry for snapping at you.” You take in another breath, this time less shaky. “I was just so scared.” You admit, and there you go again, fresh tears falling as you curse and look down at the floor.

      Peter takes that as his cue to envelop you in a hug, tucking your head into the crook of his neck and tugging you closer, arms locked around you protectively. “I’m here. I’m okay.” He utters the affirmations into your neck, pressing a feather-light kiss there as if to prove it. 

      “It’ll take more than that to get rid of me.” He huffs into your hair. Though his words are obviously meant to lighten the mood, the cocky attitude reminds you one again of your initial frustration, and you impulsively pull away and launch your first forward to punch Peter in the shoulder. 

      Of course it only ends up startling him, and the impact feels like you just punched a wall — curse you, superhero muscles — and you pull your hand back with a muttered curse. His dark eyebrows tug together as he holds a hand over the spot you hit. 

      “What was that?” He asks, eyes darting from your fist to your face, tone concerned although you detect a hint of amusement in his soft brown eyes at the instant repercussions for your outburst. 

      “It’s not funny. You fucking scared me.” You grumble, cradling your now-throbbing fist against your chest, and he huffs out a short laugh. “Don’t laugh at me.” You scold, though your anger is dissolving by the second just due to his reassuring presence. 

     “I already said I’m sorry—” You frown at his casual attitude. “—don’t punch me again—” He interjects hurriedly. “—but I am sorry. Really sorry. I’ll be more careful next time, I promise.” 

    “You’d better.” You frown, still trying to eradicate the image of his prone form lying among the rubble, no sign of movement or life. “Or at least fucking text me, or, or call me, or— send a Spider-signal or something! Next time your phone breaks, I want you to use a payphone.” You decide, nodding, and he laughs under his breath. 

      “Okay,” He concedes, stepping closer to you and kissing you on the forehead. “I’ll build a little pocket into the suit to hold some quarters.”

      You roll your eyes at the sass, but your smile betrays you as you lean into his touch, his arms coming up to encircle you. “Don’t be a smartass.” You mutter into his shoulder, and he laughs. 

      “Can we go to bed now?” He asks, pressing a kiss to your temple, and you nod. “I’m wiped, and I think you might be too.” You nod again, sighing and going to pull away from him, but he holds you tighter and your brow furrows in confusion. 

       “I thought you wanted to go to bed—” Your words are cut off by a squeal of surprise and he holds you fast to his chest and shoots a web at the wall above his bed, tugging the both of you onto the bed in one swooping motion. 

      You land sideways, eyes wide, and erupt into a stifled laugh at his antics. “You’re insane, it would have taken us all of ten seconds to walk over and get in bed!” You scold, and he finally lets you go and shrugs, pulling the blanket up and over the both of you.

      “And this way, it took us one second.” He smirks, and you smack him on the chest. 

      “Okay, Spider-Man.” You retort, voice mocking, but he smiles and presses a kiss to your forehead, wrapping his arms around you once more. The room goes quiet, your breaths slowing and deepening as you lie in Peter’s arms, and just as you are about to fall into a deep sleep, you smile as you hear him utter three lovely little words.

      “I love you.”

[fireycircus]

Ok it’s 2 am right now and instead of trying to sleep I’ve been thinking about how I feel about Usopp post time-skip and his character progression cuz I see a bunch of people have problems with it but I honestly like it. I just want to put my thoughts into the ring

So, most of my thoughts about him base on my own generalized anxiety disorder and how I’ve coped with it. I don’t think people consider that people with anxiety issues will struggle with it for life. It makes sense to me that Usopp continues to have moments where he runs away from the problem at hand despite his personal growth over the time-skip.

Usopp’s character growth isn’t about never running away or being “strong”. It’s about being brave, doing things despite how scary they are. It’s about him becoming more confident in himself and realizing he has a place on the crew.

People probably don’t think that Usopp changes much after time-skip because hasn’t he always been doing this? Well, yeah he has but the difference here is how he copes with the things that scare him. He does that better, and he doesn’t need to use a fake persona like in the past. He can be himself now.

I think the best example is in Dressrosa because of how much time he gets in the spotlight there. The first time he faces Sugar he runs away, but he’s a lot faster to realize he can’t do that than in the past. He accepts the challenge without the use of his Sogeking persona (which is a HUGE step). He gets it done and when it’s time to face her again he isn’t afraid at all. He’s being hunted down by a giant mob and yet he has his eyes on the prize.

The significance to me lies in my own experience. My flight response is so overwhelming that it’s impossible for me to think clearly at first. I’ve only started being able to calm myself down in 10 minutes versus the hours it used to take.

I get like this over things like writing a paper. Usopp gets like that over fighting for his life. I think that makes his actions pretty reasonable. It’s hard for me to exactly put it into words, but the growth for him lies in being able to get focused and stay focused after that initial flight response. I hope that makes sense to other people that aren’t me.

One last thought that’s semi-related. The scene in Wano that everyone likes to shit on Usopp for. Can we stop and think for half a second and realize that he would be acting just like Nami was if he was in her place.

There’s a list of priorities for Usopp when he’s in trouble that’s different for when others are in trouble. It’s something he shares with a lot of other members of the crew. If he’s in trouble in a situation where people are dissing Luffy, he will make up a whole speech on why they’re wrong about him. If another crew member is in trouble, their safety comes first. We’ve literally seen this happen before, why are people freaking out about it?

Plus, it’s not as if Luffy would get mad at him for it. His crew’s lives are more important than his pride. That’s been a thing all the way back since drum island with Vivi telling him to stand down for Nami’s sake. He’s learned that lesson as a captain. So it would make no sense for it to be a problem when Usopp does it. Especially since Luffy’s gained such a deep understanding of Usopp and how his mind operates after Water 7.

Ok rant over. I’m sorry if this is kind of incoherent, I’ve got a lot to say and don’t always know the best way to explain it. I’d be happy to know if other people have thought about this stuff too. Thank you for listening Usopp nation.

[someonesrealityshifting]

Okay so- random thoughts, a bit of a rant and a “what’s up with Corvus?”

Recently, I’ve been less focused on traditional shifting and more focused on manifesting my dream life (yes, I understand it’s shifting but that’s beside the point). As such, I’ve begun to talk to myself and strangers as if I already am that version of myself, because, obviously I am. I’ll tell people some cute things my boyfriend said or did, I’ll tell them “I have shoes just like those!” The issue I’ve found with this is that, while it does help with my affirming, I feel like I’m lying. So that’s something I desperately want to work on.

I’ve made a new Pinterest, like a completely new account, so anytime I enter it, I can see the life that I have already, the 3D just hasn’t caught up yet. The thing is, I’ve already seen this working. Everything I’m just going, “ah, wish it was me,” or “wish it was mine” I’m getting. Even in a roundabout way, it’s all coming true. I’m so fucking excited because I deserve this. I went through so much shit in the old story and I’m done with it. It has no power over me. I am inevitable. I have everything I’ve ever wanted, and it’s fucking brilliant.

[vwbugggie]

Hey y’all!!!!

Disclaimer this post is just gonna be me runnin my mouth <3

Y’all i’m so excited to shift. She was on the back burner for a bit but the desire to get the fuck out of here is coming back STRONGGGGGGG

Anyway this one time I was watching a live (so sorry besties but idk the persons name) and they were doing free mini tarot readings so I was like what the hell lemme put my name in (honestly that was really big for me considering my fear of people knowing I exist lmaooo) and the person was like girl you’ve done all the work u ain’t got shit to worry about it’s coming and soon (which honestly is my mindset) but that was months ago and I’m just sitting here like 👀👀 ok when

I used to think once I got some direction in this life that I’d be able to shift but here I am with a full time job having the littlest progress I’ve ever had. Bonus no energy to actually try and shift! So obviously that was bullshit. So prioritizing my CR isn’t the answer.

And before the mini reading I paid for a reading on Etsy by pretty popular shiftokers and they were like u gotta focus on here homie and so I did and guess what none of it mattered cuz here I am

Low key now I think the secret is focusing on my DR’s. But that’s probably just me trying to find a reason as to why the fuck I haven’t fully shifted yet. I keep thinking the opposite of my current situation is the magical key. I know full well there isn’t one and my past journey proves that that’s obviously not how it works.

But there has to be a reason right? Some explanation as to why I haven’t fully shifted yet. So I ask myself, why haven’t I shifted? What’s holding me back? My gut response is nothing. Nothing is stopping me or holding me back. But that can’t be right because if nothing is, why hasn’t it happened yet? Which leads me to it might just not happen for me. Maybe it’s just not meant for me. And that’s scary but at the end of the day if I never shift I’ll just live this life like I always have. So take a break right? I have. I’ve gone days without even thinking about shifting. I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum. I just feel stuck.

Anyway I feel y’all that wanna give up but honestly who I am as a person won’t allow that knowing I could have something better

Lmao did not expect for this post to go this direction but oh well!

[foreverrandomwritings]

Season 5 Episode 1: Both Sides, Now.

I was confused at first when this opening scene popped up.

This poor kid. Fuck those kids.

Owen therapy can in fact help🙄

Marjan and Paul🥵🥵

I need them to put the fire out that they started in me.

Mateo and Nancy🥵🥵 I’m a bitch for them.

Though Marjan really has my heart…. And other parts. She’s like the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen.

They all work so well together🥲🥲

I miss Judd though. But I miss Grace WAY more.

Paul and Marjan could always be co-lieutenants and just share the pay raise right????????

Though really I just want Judd back.

Idk what the real difference is between 911 and 911 Lonestar. Maybe it feels like 911 Lonestar is just slower? It just doesn’t give me the same energy as 911🤷‍♀️ I’ve heard it’s that 911 Lonestar focuses more on the teams and the people but I feel like 911 does that?

CARLOS AS A TEXAS RANGER? TAKE MY DAMN OVARIES!

JUDD MY SWEET BABY!! SLAY.

I really feel like we didn’t need this Wyatt getting injured story arc though…..

Carlos is so boss. The two belts keep cracking me up though. I can’t help myself😂

Oh the whole forced proximity to become friends trope. Gotta love it.

Marjan and Paul are the best. Mateo is a shit starter😂

Tommy: they are gonna kill each other or themselves.

Owen: no they won’t🙂‍↔️

Marjan and Paul: going to kill each other or themselves🪓👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏾🔪

Owen: okay I believe you now Tommy🙂‍↕️.

Wyatt is talking some sense into Judd and Judd ain’t listening in typical Judd fashion. We need Grace back to knock some sense into him.

Carlos and TK. I love them. Perfect couple I will hear no different🧑🏼‍🍳💋

YOUR GUT ISN’T WRONG CARLOS LISTEN TO TK DAMN IT!!!

Texas Ranger just looks so good on Ranger Carlos Reyes.

WYATT BEING A DISPATCHER GIVES ME LIFE.

Owen is so fucking oblivious omg. He means the best but come on man.

Oh you done fucked around and found out. RANGER REYES IS ON YOUR CASE.

This Campbell guy is kinda the worst but he is mighty fine🥵

THE BEARDED DRAGON BEING THEIR SON IS CUTE!!! CARLOS MY LOVE! IM SORRY ABOUT YOUR DAD!

Still confused about the woman at the beginning? Anyone else? No just me? Okay…… I guess it hasn’t been a week yet?

[nattyswhore]

“Now give me cuddles, bitch.”

pairing: natasha romanoff x fem!reader

summary: natasha’s been too caught up in work lately but you’re in need of your girlfriend’s attention, any kind of attention.

warnings: cussing, suggestive content 😛, kissing, groping, hickeys, and some fluffz

a/n: this is my first everrrr story here on tumblr and imma be real with y’all… i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing 😗 i have no idea how this shit works so bear with me while i try to figure this shit out lmao, also this story has been in my drafts for a veryyyy long time now and i edited it a little sooo i might be pretty rusty with all this writing stuff but i thought might as well post it on here so enjoy!

**************************

“Baby.”

I sat on the bed, patiently waiting and staring at Natasha while she sat in front of her computer and wrote on her paper.

“Baby,”

“Baby, baby, baby,”

“Babe!” Still no response. Is this girl deaf or something?

“Babyyyyy,” I whined as she continued to stare intensely at the paper she was holding and sloppily scribbled down notes on them.

At this point I was getting impatient. I was in need for attention but I can’t exactly have that when my girlfriend of almost 10 months is too busy writing on some piece of paper ignoring the most amazing thing that’s ever happened in her life.

Me.

I sighed dramatically before plopping down the bed with a gentle thud and tried to get her attention once more.

“Natty?”

“Baby”

“Darling”

“My world”

“My baby”

“My wifeyyyy”

“My little cutie patootie”

And still nothing. Not even a quick glance or change of expression, nothing. She was too focused on her writing to even notice I was in the same room as her. I glared at the side of her face and sat up, I let out a huff letting my moodiness take over.

“Bitch.”

And just like that, Natasha’s head snapped up, slowly turning to look at me, her pretty green eyes narrowing with a frown.

“What did you just say to me?”

I stared at her blankly giving her a “really?” look before rolling my eyes. “Oh so now you wanna listen.”

“You just called me a bitch.” Her lips turning into a small pout as she stared back at me, a slightly confused look on her face.

“I also called you the love of my life, my wife, my world and darling about, I don’t know, a hundred times?” I deadpanned, crossing my arms. “so don’t give me that face, Romanoff.”

She’s been too busy writing down reports from previous missions and catching up with some other tasks ever since she woke up this morning, something she’s been doing for the past few days.

I haven’t even gotten a single proper kiss today except for the quick forehead kiss she gave me before she rushed to work this morning. Since when did a piece of paper become more important than me.

It’s me for Gods sake.

But I knew as much as I wanted to stay grumpy at Natasha, I couldn’t blame her. Fury has been up her ass trying to make her catch up with all these paper works ever since she came back from her last mission a week ago. I could tell how stressed she has been because of it, she hasn’t taken a proper break, she was tired and it showed when she would pause and pinch the bridge of her nose or every time she let out a frustrated sigh and rubbed her eyes, trying to keep them open.

I knew it was important for her to finish so I’ve been giving her some space and time to let her focus, except when I would come in and out of her room every now and then to give her coffee, to make sure she hasn’t overworked herself yet.

But today, I just felt needy. I needed attention, any type of attention at this point.

Her face turned into a soft expression when she saw the scowl on my face. “I’m sorry baby I just have to get this last page done then I’m all yours okay?”

“But baby, I need your attention now.” I whined at her, pouting before standing up and walking towards her desk.

I plopped myself down on her lap and wrapped my arms tightly around her neck so her face was now squished between my chest.

She chuckled at my actions and wrapped her arms around my waist as she pulled me closer.

“I miss you so much Natty,” I muttered, my head moving to lean on top of hers. “I know you’ve been busy but I swear to God, I’m going to die real soon from lack of attention woman.”

Her chest vibrated against mine as she laughed at my words, hooking her finger under my chin. “Alright sweet girl, I’ll give you all the attention you want but-“

I opened my mouth to start protesting but before I could even start, she covered my mouth with her hand and shushed me.

I stared back at her, furrowing my eyebrows as she looked back at me with amusement. “Let me finish detka, but just give me thirty more minutes and I promise I’ll give you all the kisses and cuddles in the world, how does that sound?”

I hummed and pretended to think about it while tapping my finger on my chin, making her roll her eyes playfully.

“Hmm okay deal!” I replied, a huge smile now plastered my face, I get her attention and she gets to take a break, it was a win win situation. “But I’m staying on your lap.”

Natasha let out a small laugh before nodding and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, “Not a problem, darling.”

She picked up her pen and went back to work and quickly writing down notes as I sat on her lap patiently. Every now and then, I would turn my head and press small kisses on her cheek, her face turning into a shade of pink and her lips twitching upward every time I do so.

After half an hour has passed, my head laid comfortably on her shoulder while I ran my hand through her red locks. She let out a big sigh of relief before dropping her pen on the desk and wrapping her arms around me, giving me a squeeze making me giggle loudly.

Natasha stuffed her face on my neck giving me gentle kisses that lead up to my jawline to my cheek, my forehead and soon my lips. She smiled through the kiss before leaning back, a blush covering my face as she stared back at me with a dreamy look and a soft smile.

She leaned in again, her green eyes staring down at my lips before giving me a more passionate kiss this time. She kissed me a little longer, her tongue licked my bottom lip teasingly before pulling back with a pop.

“Thirty minutes is up.” She whispered, wiggling her eyebrows making both of us giggle.

“Now give me cuddles, bitch.” I playfully demanded, a faux serious tone in my voice making Natasha laugh again as I quickly got up from her lap, pulling her up and grabbing her hand before dragging her to our bed hurriedly, tripping on the air on the way.

I squealed when I finally reached the bed, laying down on the soft mattress pulling Natasha down with me. She happily joined me, making herself comfortable before pulling the covers over us and wrapping me in a tight hug.

I felt Natasha put her legs on top of mine, a habit she had whenever we were laying together. Her hand ran up and down my arm slowly while the other played with my hair.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been giving you much attention for the past week, detka,” She shifted slightly, turning to look at me. “I finished the paperworks so you have me all to yourself for the next week or two, alright?”

I removed myself from her arms before sitting on her lap, cupping her face with my hands and running my thumb across her cheek.

“I know Natty, I understood you were busy baby don’t worry,” I reassured her, her head turning slightly as she pecked my palm. “I’m just glad you can get a break now oh and that means I get to have the kisses and cuddles I was promised too.”

Natasha’s smile widened, a mischievous look quickly flashing through her eyes as she let out a hum and the next thing I know, her lips were back on mine. She pecked my lips a few times, her hands wrapping around my waist as she started to place wet kisses towards my neck.

“And you’ll get just as promised, malyshka.”

She bit on my neck lightly, her tongue quickly licking and soothing down the spot making me let out a small groan.

She switched from sucking and biting, there was no doubt Natasha was going to leave marks everywhere, she was going to make sure to give me a hard time covering these up the next day.

She moved up a little and sucked softly on my sweet spot making me let out a mix of a gasp and a moan, my breathing getting heavier the more she continued. I felt her smirk when I tugged at her hair, trying to pull her as close as I can.

“God I missed you sweetheart.” She whispered on my skin, I sighed in content before I let out a quick and breathy “Missed you too Natty.” Her warm breath hit my skin making me shiver lightly as she continued placing hot open mouthed kisses going towards my chest.

“Baby…” I whimpered, desperately tugging at her hair when her hands found my ass and squeezed it. She pulled me closer and roughly moved my hips towards her while her other hand grabbed my hair, yanking it back and exposing more of my neck and chest as she left hickeys all over me.

Once she felt like she was done and left enough marks, she pulled back and gave me a peck on my lips, she grinned widely at me when she saw me sat on her lap, staring back at her through hooded eyes with red flustered cheeks and soft pants leaving my lips.

Her smile slowly turned into a smirk as her eyes trailed further down, eyeing the work she left on me.

She moved her hand up and traced the dark marks that covered me. Her green eyes looked back up at me, the tiredness from her face gone and now replaced with an all too familiar look.

A warm feeling ran through my body and straight to my core making me shift on her lap. I let out a small moan when her hands moved down to my chest, squeezing my breasts on the way as she bit her lip and kept eye contact with me. Her finger hooked around the hem of my shirt and slightly pulled it up before her cold hands touched my bare skin, a shiver going through my body. Her hands teasingly running up and down my hips before gripping it tightly.

She gave me one last smirk before she slowly started moving her hand further and further down making me close my eyes and bite my lip from the wetness pooling between my legs.

“Now,” She whispered, placing a wet kiss behind my ear. “Let me make it up to you and give you and your body all my attention tonight baby.”

[mercy-burning]

Honeybee

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: While attending Seraphina's wedding, Y/N discovers that her crush on her best friend’s older brother hasn’t gone away after all these years. Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Strong language, alcohol consumption, fingering, penetrative/protected sex Word Count: 5.7k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: I know I promised a oneshot over the weekend, but I’m a messy, inconsistent bitch, so you get it a day late 😅🥰

———

Looking back, I was starting to wonder if Seraphina only got engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor just to witness my slow descent into a heaping puddle of lovesick mush.

Truly, it was pathetic.

Yeah, yeah, she was getting married because she loved her fiancé and whatever, obviously, but she was also using it as an excuse to try and get me to admit my feelings for her older brother. Feelings, I might add, that only surfaced when I was a middle schooler and went away once he went off to college.

Sure, I'd thought about him on occasion when he was inevitably brought up around Sera's house throughout the years, but that was it. I'd hardly say I was hard-core in love with him. And I was totally prepared to see him for the first time since our high school graduation.

At least, I thought I was.

And Seraphina—the little shit—knew it, too. The smirk on her face the moment we were all in the same room for the first time in ten years made me want to run and hide more than her brother's figure, right in front of me and hotter than ever.

I was mad. Not at Sera as much, because really there was nothing she could do about the fact that he was her brother, but I was mad at myself. Because how in the hell had it stood to reason that a man I actively didn't think about for a whole decade had this much of an effect on me after all this time?

Honestly? I blame the FBI.

If he'd done literally anything else with his life I probably could have made it. Well, not by much if we're being honest, but come on...

Where he'd been a bit nerdy and reserved as I knew him, the man in front of me had clearly changed. Not just physically, though that was also a pleasant surprise. He looked like he'd been through some shit... And he carried himself taller. There was a new air of confidence that perched on his shoulder and helped him along as he talked with old friends and family members at his sister's rehearsal dinner.

Spencer Reid was older and more experienced this time around, and somehow even more goddamn delicious...

I was a total wreck. And it was about to get a whole lot worse.

He was coming this way. Right for me. He'd noticed me staring at him all night, because I couldn't keep my shit together, and now I was absolutely doomed.

Guess it was a good thing I'd practically grown up with him and knew how to act outwardly.

Still, the moment he was up close and flashing me that little smile of his, I felt the pit of my stomach scream out loud, sending shockwaves through my bloodstream.

"Hey, Honeybee. It's been a while."

Fuck. That fucking nickname...

"Spencer... It has."

When we hugged briefly, I tried as hard as I could not to inhale his scent, knowing that not only was that pathetic and embarrassing, but also I'd never stop smelling it otherwise. I did take note, though, of how strong he was now. He wasn't a bodybuilder of any kind, but he was certainly less bony and more defined.

I had to hold back a whine as I felt him let go of me, because I didn't want to leave his warm embrace but also because I didn't think I could stand to look at his face anymore without losing any and all semblance of my cool.

Still, I let him release me, and even then he didn't go far. We only stood inches apart, and my whole body was practically numb at the proximity. It also didn't help that I had to tilt my head up to see his face— It made me feel extremely submissive, and I could already feel myself starting to shrink.

Whether he was amused at that or just at me in general, the feeling I got was the same.

"Sera tells me you've been busy..." He paused, seemingly searching for the right word, though I could tell he already had it on the tip of his tongue. "Modeling?"

I closed my eyes with a sigh. "It was one job for some obscure European magazine, no one in the country's probably ever heard of it... It's not that big of a deal."

Spencer huffed a laugh. "You sound embarrassed..."

How was I supposed to respond to that? If I lied and told him I wasn't embarrassed, he'd figure it out, and if I told him the truth? I'd still be screwed. Honestly, my best bet was changing the subject.

Though, maybe it wasn't— When I asked him about his travels for work, he ignored it and responded with, "Ah, so you are embarrassed."

"N— I am not!"

"You changed the subject so fast I barely had time to blink... There's nothing to be ashamed of, Honeybee, I don't know why you'd—"

"Look, dude, I'm not ashamed, and I'm certainly not changing the subject. We were on the subject of jobs. So there."

I was aware of how childish I sounded, but I stood my ground nonetheless. And thankfully Spencer seemed to let it go, though not without amplifying that amused sparkle in his eye.

"Okay... Well, I've got some more people to see, but, uh... I'll see you around. Maybe you can show me some of your work."

He didn't even give me time to protest. Though if he had, I was sure I wouldn't have been able to get any words out what with that goddamned face he had, twisted and sculpted into all these beautiful ways that were designed specifically to make me a blubbering hot mess.

I could only gather the courage to nod in response, though he'd turned his back and walked away by the time I got it out.

———

All things considered, I'd managed to avoid him for the majority of the wedding festivities. I focused all my energy on being happy to see my best friend get married, and likewise it seemed that Spencer was inclined to do the same.

He walked his sister down the aisle, and seeing them both so happy truly made my heart sing. To think I'd known them since we were all kids more or less, and now they were both successful, beautiful human beings... It warmed me to my core, and despite the other flames that stung my insides at seeing Spencer in his tux, thing were going swimmingly.

That being said, we were just about two hours into the reception, and there was absolutely nothing stopping me from begging Seraphina to put me out of my misery.

Except maybe pints upon pints of alcohol.

In hindsight, that may not have been a good idea, though. Because as much as the open bar had it benefits, it also hated me. It was mostly my fault, because I was stupid enough to forget that I get frisky when I'm drunk, but that didn't stop me from blaming the bartender for continuing to serve me.

I wasn't quite at the point of all-out inebriation, but I was definitely toeing the line between tipsy flirting and total disaster.

And when Spencer came over to ask me to dance, I knew I was doomed.

I didn't find myself caring about what he was saying, only the fact that he was there, in front of me, putting his hands on me and breathing in the same air that I was putting out. My entire body buzzed, and while I would have panicked otherwise, my tipsy brain welcomed the tingle and made me a bit bolder.

"You enjoying yourself tonight?" he asked, like he couldn't already tell that I was having the time of my life.

"No way. You suck at dancing." The joke rolled off my tongue with ease, a product of years spent teasing him for countless things.

And just like all those times before, he rolled his eyes and then immediately flashed an affectionate smile all the same.

I should have stopped there, maybe tried to do something a bit more romantic like teach him how to dance... Placing his hands and fixing his posture, taking the time to gracefully have an excuse for exploring his body with my hands...

But romance took a backseat when I pressed myself in even closer to him and hummed just under his jawline. "Mmm, but I bet you're good at other things..."

I felt his hands grip my waist just a little tighter, and his throat visibly twitched. "How much have you had to drink, Honeybee?"

"Spencer," I whined, pressing my face into his neck. "Don't tell me you're turning me down, please..."

I could tell by the way he was touching me, his hands wavering and undecided, and the way his heartbeat thrummed loudly and quickly against my own that he wanted nothing more than to entertain my desires.

The thought made me quiver and press further into him. I kissed his jawline tenderly, silently begging him to whisk me away and finally make me his, but it broke my heart a little to feel him peel away from me.

When he looked into my eyes though, I swore the gleam in his own is what put me back together. It could have been the liquor swimming around in my body that made me feel lightheaded, but when Spencer lifted my chin with his fingers and looked me over, I knew that wasn't it. It was wholeheartedly, without a doubt, him.

"Tell you what... You get sobered up by the end of the night, and maybe I'll come find you."

I wanted to nod, but his gentle grip on my chin held me steady—At least until he glided his fingertips down my throat and over my shoulder. Then I downright slumped forward with a whine and a weak nod that seemed to make him smile.

"Thank you for the dance," he said earnestly, leaning forward to press the lightest of kisses to my temple.

Just like that he was gone, and I wanted him back almost immediately.

———

And so the night dragged on, and the longer I sobered up the more it dawned on me what the fuck just happened— What the fuck was going to happen, too, if I played my cards right.

It didn't help that I could practically feel Spencer's eyes on me the whole time. Probably to make sure I really wasn't drinking anymore, a fact that only made this feel more real.

On top of it all, I was starting to lose count of the amount of men here who were trying to buy me drinks. Even if the one man I really wanted tonight hadn't given me a deal, I still wouldn't have accepted them, if only for the pathetic fact that I would have been trying to catch his attention instead.

So much for trying to convince myself I wasn't in love with him...

Was that really what it was? It had to be, right?

Either way, I was determined to find out, and that meant declining every flirtatious offer to drink and dance.

Unfortunately, Seraphina seemed to notice, even on the one day in her entire life she shouldn't have been thinking about anyone but herself. "You're not having fun," she pouted, plopping down next to me and handing me a shot. "Have fun."

I laughed and set the tiny glass down on the table. "I am having fun, I'm just... tired. And being hungover tomorrow does not sound fun."

"Mmm," she responded, visibly suspicious.

I didn't really know what to say to her to convince her not to be though, so I grabbed her hand and smiled. "You're having fun though, right? 'Cause I will not hesitate to kick someone's ass if you're not."

With a bellowing laugh mildly tainted with the smell of champagne, Seraphina squeezed my hand and leaned in close. "I'm having the best time. I couldn't be happier."

"Well, good. You deserve it."

After a small moment of silent shared smiles, my best friend glanced over elsewhere and then back to me with that look in her eye that kind of scared me.

And her words were even scarier... "So, you talk to Spencer at all tonight?"

"Uh— Yeah... Briefly."

"Mhmm... Y'know, I saw you two dancing together earlier. You seemed reeeally close..."

There I was, getting defensive in front of a Reid sibling for the second time that night. And just like before, I was awful at being subtle. "Sera, stop it! It was just a dance..."

"Bullshit! He had his hands all over you, and he had that gross-ass, dreamy-ass look in his eye! He so wants to sleep with you!"

"Sera!" I gently shoved her and tried not to smile at the goofy smile she had plastered on her face.

"Am I wrong?"

"I... I don't..."

"Ha! I'm not wrong!"

The defeated look in my eye did nothing to disconfirm her story.

"So, what's stopping you from letting him?"

I went wide-eyed. "Se—You... You seriously would... You're okay with this? It doesn't... gross you out?"

There were a lot of things I could have seen Seraphina do in that moment, but pinching and yelling at me were not any of them. "Y/N! You idiot! I've been trying to get you two together for years! If I knew all it took was me getting married, I would have accepted Theo Decker's proposal..."

"Wa— In fifth grade? Sera, that wasn't—"

"I know, but you get what I mean! You two are so painfully attracted to each other, it physically hurts me. It's actually disgusting, but if it means there's a chance that you might get to be my sister? I say go for it."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You... You really mean that?"

"What, you think I'd joke about that?"

Everything that she conveyed to me within the look in her eyes, her words, and the squeezing of her hand over mine told me she was sincere.

"I love you, you know," I told her just as sincerely.

Her smile was as radiant as ever, but the teasing tone in her voice was enough to make me scowl again. "Right back at'cha, Honeybee. Just do me a favor and don't tell me any details. I don't wanna know."

I stuck my tongue out at her, followed by a short shove. "Oh, and as soon as you get back from your honeymoon? I'm kicking your ass for telling him about that nude shoot I did for that magazine..."

She only grinned. "Why? I think I did you a favor..."

I rolled my eyes at her, but in the end, I guess she was right.

———

I shouldn't have been pacing. Really, it was pretty fucking embarrassing the way I walked in circles around my hotel room, waiting for a knock at the door or a text message on my phone, or something to let me know that Spencer had really meant what he said and was on his way to come find me.

I didn't have a single drink after we danced, and I swear to God, if he made me go through this entire night all nervous without the liquor to calm me down, for nothing? I was going to kill him tomorrow.

Later today... Whatever.

The point? I was well and truly ready to feel him taking up my personal space, and I was going to feel like a real idiot if I waited around and prepped and everything, only for him not to show. The funny thing was, it was almost two in the morning, and I would have stayed up until the sun rose for him.

Thank God he had the decency to save me the trouble.

A short two-rap knock on the door made me jump, but I ran at it full-speed, flinging the large wooden panel open and letting its momentum blow cool wind over my body. And I needed it, too.

Because standing right in front of me was Spencer Reid in all his semi-exhausted glory. His outfit was loosened, buttons undone and bowtie untied, hanging limp around his neck. His hair sat wild atop his head and a thin layer of sweat coated his skin. Maybe that last part sounded gross, but looking at him? It was anything but.

Especially when he flashed me that damned smirk. "Someone's eager..."

I tried not to sound as dumbfounded by his presence as I felt. "Well, you made me a good offer I couldn't refuse. Excuse me for being excited."

"And here I thought all this time you hated me, Honeybee..."

"That would be easier, wouldn't it?"

His grin transformed into a full-on beaming smile then, and it only made my skin feel warmer and my heart beat faster. I returned his smile with my own, so genuinely happy to see him again after all this time, and with the brightest show of happiness I'd ever seen.

Turns out, smiling like a lovesick idiot was all I was capable of.

"Are you... gonna let me in?"

The low suggestive tone in his voice had me springing into action, stepping back and allowing him the space to come in. And though he had plenty of room, Spencer still decided to brush his body over mine as he passed. His eyes bore into my own as he gently kicked the door shut and enveloped us in a dimness that came from cheap hotel lighting.

Still, I was unable to speak, and hardly able to even breathe, with each passing second.

And then, his hands were on my waist, pulling me to him with a softness that matched the whisper in his throat as he said, "C'mere..." Looking up at him then, his fingers burning holes through the thin fabric of my dress while he looked back down me, eyes swimming in tender desire... It almost didn't even feel real.

And it certainly didn't feel real when he leaned in, one of his hands coming up to touch my face while the other pressed me firmly against him.

The moment his lips touched mine, I was gone. I positively melted into him, so much so that it felt like I was just becoming a part of him entirely, losing myself in the moment and unwilling to let it go.

Even when he sighed against my lips and parted his own to kiss me deeper, I just followed suit and let him take the lead. We moved together as one, fluidly and with as much eagerness was possible. I'd wanted to get a taste of him for so long, and he obviously felt the same way, what with the thorough and precise exploring his tongue did with my own. It shot warmth throughout my whole being, and my legs threatened to buckle underneath me from how weak they felt.

Spencer seemed to understand what was happening to me, because as soon as I'd thought it, he was just as quick to literally sweep me off my feet, scooping me up bridal style and carrying me over to the large bed in the middle of the room.

"I know we're at a wedding and all, but geez," I laughed, watching as he laid me down gently and crawled over my body. "A little much?"

He only rolled his eyes. "Well, excuse me for trying to be romantic..."

"Mmm, I think you're just being an overachiever. As per usual."

That remark earned me a pinning of my wrists above my head, and the fire that erupted in my very core at my current position only cemented that this was very real.

Spencer grinned, his hips coming down to roll over mine teasingly. He spoke nice and slowly, his voice slicing through my soul like smooth butter. "Oh, Honeybee, I'll show you an overachiever..."

Once again I was rendered speechless. Not like I expected to be talking his ear off or anything, but words genuinely escaped me.

Luckily, Spencer didn't seem to mind. In fact, he knew exactly what to do next, and it made me even hungrier for him than ever before.

He captured my lips in another dizzying kiss, his hands still flexing over my wrists to keep them steady. I moaned softly and writhed against him, and though I would have liked to say that it was a conscious choice to coax him to give me more, really it was just me being unable to handle the fact that this was actually happening.

Actually, if not for the overwhelming and familiar scent of him, I would have thought I was only imagining it.

But alas, here he was in all his floral peppermint glory, grinding his hips down into mine and kissing me like I'd never been kissed before, driving me mad with each adept movement.

Thankfully he seemed to get as lost in the moment as I was, because he loosened my wrists in his grip, and I broke free, flying my hands in between us and down to his belt.

His lips pulled away from mine with a soft smack, a smile forming smugly upon them. "Have you no patience?"

As my fingers fumbled with the metal and leather, I pressed my nose to his and quickly pecked his mouth. "I thought we already established that I have no patience the moment I opened the door..."

"Fair... But still..."

Spencer grabbed my hands again, moving them to my sides and then hiking my dress up slowly. His skin was hot against my own, and it took everything I had not to break down begging for him.

And then he spoke again, his lips barely grazing mine as he did. "Teasing you is so much fun..."

I couldn't really explain what sound escaped me then, but it reminded me of a disgruntled animal, erupting from my throat and getting muffled the moment I took my hands and brought his face to mine. I kissed him fervently as his hands matched the intense nature of my affections— With every soft groan I gave him, he returned it with an inch higher up my leg, until eventually he was toying with the hem of my underwear.

Unable to take it anymore, I gave in and mumbled the most desperate plea I could think of. (Like I had to think that hard...)

"Spencer, please..."

I half expected him to tease me again, but this time I felt him tremble over my body. His fingers slipped under the satin of my underwear and he sighed into my mouth. "God, how could I ever say no to you..."

No sooner had the words left his mouth did he spread me apart with his fingertips, getting a feel for me and a broken sigh falling from his tongue and onto my own. I captured it and kissed him with as much precision as I could while under the influence of his hands working wonders.

Truly, his hands hand a magic of their own that should have been considered as an eighth Wonder of the World. They flexed in all the right places, splitting me open and caressing the most sensitive parts of me, simultaneously breaking me apart and putting me back together...

God, and those was only his hands...

The thought of what else he had waiting for me made me cry out into his mouth, though I'm sure it also had to do with the fact that his fingers were curling expertly inside me and summoning an orgasm that I knew would satisfy us both.

I almost cried out again when his lips left mine, but then they travelled to my neck and paid it the most glorious attention. The alternation of his fingers and his tongue on different spots of my body had me in shambles, and it took no longer than a few seconds to snap.

"Fuck, that's my girl," Spencer grumbled into my neck, helping me through my orgasm. "That's it, honey..."

What I wouldn't have given to hear him talk to me like that until the end of time... His words, their tone and praise seeping into my skin and bringing my soul to life... Coupled with his soft hands and his even softer breath fanning over my neck, I was just about ready to ask him to keep talking to me, to say my name and never stop.

He pulled away though, removing his hand from my lower half and bringing it up to his mouth, and I had the feeling my request wouldn't be a problem.

Spencer's eyes rolled back and his tongue gathered my arousal off his long, well-endowed fingers. And though I could hear his groan well and clear, I felt it more than anything. It reverberated through my body and brought me more to life in a way I never thought imaginable.

No one had ever made me feel that way with one single sound, and that's how I knew.

I thought I knew it from the start—from when we were growing up—that I wanted to be near him forever. But It was always just a silly dream, something I was never quite able to reach, and as I got older and we rarely saw each other, it got harder to even imagine anymore.

Now I didn't have to imagine.

Spencer Reid was right in front of me, touching me, tasting me, verbally praising me with sounds I'd only ever dreamed of...

I wanted him to have his moment, because I was positive he'd wanted this just as much as I did, but this sappy sort of revelation I was having made it nearly impossible to not be utterly wrapped up in him, and I wanted more.

So I wiggled and adjusted myself underneath him before grabbing his hand and placing it over my heart. His eyes widened softly at the sight of me, and I knew then that he was taking the time to memorize my face, and the image of his hand resting at my chest, right where my heart was encased beneath bones, flesh, and fabric.

"I could look at you forever," he whispered then.

I would have been ashamed to admit that I whimpered when he said it, but the way he looked at me afterwards made me feel the exact opposite.

He smiled, using his other hand to come up and touch my face. "You want it bad, don't you, Honeybee?"

I didn't even argue with him this time. My head nodded and my hands reached out to pull him closer. "I want you... More than I've ever wanted anything."

Before he leaned down to kiss me, I could have swore he looked like he was going to shed a tear. The duality of him, his ability to be all teasing and cocky one second and then reduced to a lovesick mess at just a few words from me the next, made my heart sing.

And it kept singing, a sweet, steady melody as Spencer kissed me and touched me like he meant it.

Only this time, he didn't pause or tease me with theatrics. He went straight for the kill, fetching a condom from his pants pocket and then sliding the material down, all while keeping me trapped under his embrace. I welcomed it naturally, humming happily into his neck and jawline and anywhere I could reach as he got us both fully undressed and situated, until finally he had the condom on and his hands rested nicely on either side of my head.

"Promise not to sting me?"

I laughed, draping my arms over his shoulders and flashing him a wink. "Mmm, only if you promise to give it to me good..."

"Deal."

He slowly pushed into me then, and the stretch was far more satisfying than his fingers, though I was in no position to complain either way. If he was even half as skilled with his hips as he was with his hands (which I had no doubts about whatsoever), then neither of us had anything to worry about.

It didn't take long for us to find our rhythm, but I didn't have time to think about that. I was so consumed with just the feeling of him being everywhere that technicalities didn't matter.

That being said, the technicalities were really fucking good.

His hips snapped into mine with sharp precision, and I felt it deep within my bones. My cunt clung around him willingly and accordingly, as did my legs, which hooked over his waist as I dug my heels into his ass.

Meanwhile Spencer grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head again, this time interlocking our fingers and then leaning down to kiss me deeply. It was met with my undying welcome, of course, but with the way he was fucking me, deep and with a devotion that nearly exploded my heart, I couldn't help but whine out for more.

His name was all I could manage.

"What do you want, Honeybee?" he cooed, holding himself deep inside me and grinding his hips in small circles that made it harder to breathe.

"M—More... I..."

"Can you be more specific?"

How he could be such a cocky little shit in this moment I wasn't sure, and it frustrated me to no end. He knew damn well what I wanted, and I knew just the thing that would make him give it to me.

I have him the biggest pout I could, also whining out the most pathetic, "More," in my arsenal. And with a roll of my hips up into his, I gasped out at how deep he got, and whined out again.

"Spoiled brat," Spencer grunted in defeat, retreating only to slam into me at full force.

My small gasps and cries turned into full-blown howls of searing pleasure as he fucked me then. My head tipped back and my back arched slightly, exposing my neck and chest to him, and he took it as an invitation to lean down and put his mouth anywhere he could reach. I was sure there would be small nicks and bruises littered over my skin the next morning, and just thinking of everyone seeing them, seeing Spencer's mark on me, made it harder to prolong the inevitable.

I came with a shout, flexing my hands into his as my body tensed then relaxed, over and over while he whispered praises into my skin. He followed soon after, shoving his face into my neck and muffling the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard as he came.

By then his hands had loosened, so I snuck my own away from his and brought them over to hug him close. One hand knotted into his hair while the other grazed over his back. The thin sheen of sweat forming over his skin once again was more enticing than it probably sounded, but I loved it all the same. I felt him relax and bring his arms down to rest at my sides, his fingertips dancing lightly over my skin and giving me goosebumps.

Then out of nowhere, he said something that confused and mildly panicked me. "I thought you said you wouldn't sting me..."

I pulled away to try and look at his face, loosening my grip on his body. "A—Am I hurting you? I'm sorry..."

He laughed though, peppering tiny kisses up my neck until he got to my jaw. "You're not hurting me, Honeybee... You've just... stung my heart, that's all."

"I... Is that a bad thing?"

"It's a strange thing..."

He looked at me like I was the one thing on the planet he adored, but his words sounded different.

I raised an eyebrow. "You're not helping me understand..."

With another laugh, Spencer Kissed my cheek and rolled off of me, settling for laying on his side and turning me to face him. "Do you remember how I gave you your nickname?"

Despite my confusion about all of this, I entertained him with a huffed laugh. "Yeah, I spilled honey all over my shorts without realizing it, and I had ants all over me in a matter of minutes. I was terrified."

"I was highly amused."

I shoved him. "Yeah, dork, I know you were! You and Seraphina both thought it was the funniest thing on the planet, and then your mom had to come out and spray me down with a hose before I came back in the house."

Spencer barked a laugh, and I wanted to punch it right out of his mouth.

"Tell me again why this is relevant to our current situation?" I reminded him with and sigh, already over his antics.

Thankfully he seemed to take pity on me; He reached a hand out and played with a strand of my hair, smiling even brighter than when I opened the door for him. "That's when I started to feel it. You were just... so cute all angry at me and Sera for laughing, and it... It changed everything."

"You know, that would be more romantic if I hadn't been covered in bugs," I responded with a laugh.

"It's true! And it confused the hell out of me, because how was I supposed to cope with the fact that I actually had a crush on my little sister's best friend like some stupid cliché? You were always so feisty after that, too, and it certainly didn't help... And when I graduated and went off to college, I thought... I thought there was no chance you would ever be able to break the heart you'd managed to steal."

He swiped his thumb gently over my bottom lip and smiled, his eyes going all tear-y again. It sent butterflies through my whole body.

"I would never even dream of breaking your heart, Spencer..."

Our foreheads pressed together then, and the unwavering adoration in his voice when he spoke made me forget all prior confusion and minor embarrassment over re-living our origins.

All that mattered was that he was here, holding me in his arms and making me feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

"I know you won't, Honeybee."

———

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[un-nonymous]

So I started seeing an ADHD coach about a month ago. She’s the second one I’ve seen in 3 months and the first who doesn’t take insurance, but I really like her.

She said I’m an overachiever today, or that I have those tendencies anyway, and she’s the second person who’s said that to me in the past week. Legitimately, I’ve never seen myself that way. Never. I feel like I’m always behind, always catching up, everyone is doing more than me. Always.

It’s an interesting experience, being in this type of coaching, because (stay with me on this) I feel like I’m paying someone a lot of money to essentially read me things I’ve already read on the internet. And that’s because I think she’s really good at her job.

In sessions, I feel amazing. Heard, understood, validated. And then I digest a little and I’m like, damn. I could’ve googled that. I have googled that. What’s the difference now?

The difference is the immediate responses and thoughtful compassion I (we) don’t get from words on a screen written to an anonymous audience. I wish I had done this a long time ago.

I’m grateful to have a supportive presence in my life finally who sees me AND will call me out from a place of awareness. She gently preaches and encourages radical self acceptance and I’m finally listening and taking the babiest of steps. Googling it for 15 years hasn’t worked and I can admit that now. Figuring it out on my own hasn’t worked, therapy hasn’t worked (because we’ve focused on all the other hard shit I’ve grappled with in the past 3 years instead) and I need something specific, and I’m ready to do something about it.

This has been a really fucking hard month because I’m facing shit I’ve been masking and things about me that I’ve gotten really good at keeping hidden from most everyone in my life. A lot of it deals with work, but not all of it. I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to fit into a neurotypical professional world and being shamed and feeling awful for it.

My best friend says I’m the best storyteller she’s ever met while I’m wishing I could be more concise and regularly qualifying what I’m about to say by starting with “brevity isn’t my strong suit” and using “long story long” to signal when I’m finally about to land the plane. I think, often, that it drives people nuts and the impact of the one piece of negative feedback I’ve gotten about this (when I was interviewing for the job I have now, by someone who regularly gets chastised for taking forever to get to the point) is far heavier than all the compliments I’ve gotten about it, because brains are jerks.

I don’t think I’m in the right job to truly flourish and one day I need to figure that out because I LOVE my current job a whole fucking lot. It’s more that I’m struggling keeping this Big Thing About Me™️ hidden, but I’m actively choosing that. If you ask me why, I’ll tell you construction is a tough industry for “overhead” (support) roles like mine that I can do anywhere else for probably lots more money at this point, but I still choose it because I really like being a big fish in a small pond. I really, really like that. And then I’ll say I have enough stacked against me: I’m a woman, I’m “young” (I’m not, but people don’t think I’m as old as I am which is not a humblebrag), I have tattoos and bleached hair and a nose ring and a fancy degree and my job is to teach crusty superintendents how to feel their feelings at work, why are the youths so sensitive these days anyway, etc., — so in my mind, I don’t need to be known for having an attention disorder on top of everything else.

That’s what I’ll tell you, at least. In reality, I don’t think it matters what industry I’m in because I’ve had both great and fucking terrible bosses in all of them. I’ve doubted myself in all of them at some point and I could draw up a litany of reasons why I’d want to keep this to myself in all of them, when really I want to be acknowledged for it and more than that I want to be able to relate to others, and help others from a place of “I get it, I actually do”, but I can’t do that where I am right now. I am terrified of going off on my own is the truth, but I want to, and it’s just a matter of when at this point.

Today was a good session. I see her every Monday afternoon and honestly, I can’t wait to see how things are going 6 months from now.

[h0neypjm]

Confident 02 | jjk

↳ Summary: After giving Jungkook the best suck of his life he’s left wondering if what you said was true. Was it really your first time? ‘Cause Jungkook thinks you might’ve lied.

↳ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, college au, fuckboy! jk, our fav cheeky virgin reader!

↳ Rating: 18+

↳ Word count: 8.8k

↳ Warnings: swearing, mentions of past toxic relationship, mentions of being pressured into sex, mentions of body image, mentions of stds, Jungkook being very confused, no smut in this part

↳ a/n: here it is !!! thank you for all the love for the first part, i hope you enjoy this part ! please feel free to leave any feedback <3 

↳ Series: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04

Previously...

“She said it's her first time.” He pauses, looking up at his friends' concerned faces. “I think she might’ve lied.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Jungkook groans, cradling his head before banging it on the table. The utensils on the table rattle and clang, bringing unwanted attention to his mini breakdown. Taehyung is quick to place his hand under Jungkook's forehead just as he goes in for another blow. “Ok, Jungkook- Jungkook!” Jimin giggles beside him. “Fucking stop, people are staring.”

Jungkook pauses and subtly peeks out of his long bangs, checking to see that Taehyung’s words were indeed true. He breathes out and sits up in his chair, fixing his shirt to play off that he wasn’t just having a mental meltdown.

Jimin rolls his eyes, “soooo are you gonna talk now, cause’ I have a horrible headache and you’re really not helping.”

Jungkook nods opening his mouth to speak. “Alright so uh, I met a girl last night and-”

“I thought you went home?” Taehyung shoves Jimin’s shoulder and Jungkook glares, “yeah, well that clearly didn’t happen.” He rubs his temples, “could you do me a favour and let me speak first, and then you can ask the questions. Ok?”

The two boys nod, settling into their seats as Jungkook delves back into his story.

“Alright so anyways, I saw this girl and like, I haven’t ever seen her before? She was literally perfect”. He exhales looking at nothing at particular as he continues. “Gorgeous face, prettiest lips and oh! speaking of her lips, God the way she sucked-”

Despite what Jungkook said earlier, Taehyung feels the need to intervene. “Ok as much as I love a good suck myself, I need you to stop here, we don’t need the graphics.” Jimin nods in agreement even though it’s clear he’s not paying an ounce of attention. Jungkook smirks at the memory, but it soon drops as he remembers one tiny detail. He places his hands on the table, total seriousness etched onto his face. “But here’s the kicker, she said it was her first time.”

Confusion. 

“So did you or did you not take her virginity?”Jungkook crosses his arms. “No, after that she just up and left.” “Wait, fuck”, Jungkook suddenly realises, “I didn’t even make her cum”, he groans and Taehyung bursts into laughter. This finally garners Jimin’s attention, his dazed eyes squinting. “Who’s the girl?” Jungkook sighs, “if you were listening before you would’ve heard me say that I don’t know her.” Jimin leans forward,“well can you at least describe her? I pretty much know everyone who attended the party”

Jungkook doesn’t have to think that hard. “She was wearing this plaid skirt and like a white top-” Jimin’s eyes widen, “Holy shit, Y/N?! Man, Jin’s gonna kill you.” This makes Jungkook pause, thoughts running back to the text he had received from Jin. “Wait, they’re not a thing are they?” Jimin chokes, “God no, they’ve been family friends since like forever, Jin’s practically her protective older brother.”

That explained his text earlier. Jungkook furrows his brows, more questions beginning to arise and spill out of his mouth. “How come I’ve never met her and if she’s a virgin, then how- how did-”, Taehyung cuts in, “dude she’s done other things before.” More confusion. “And how would you know that?” Taehyung smirks, shrugging as he gets up out of his chair. “I'm gonna get a drink, Jimin, you want anything?” God, his head is spinning. “Sure, you know my usual.”

It was the way Taehyung spoke too casually, like your lifestyle choices were common knowledge. How the fuck hasn’t he met you, yet his friends seem to be well acquainted with your existence? “What the fuck was that look?” He focuses on Taehyung from where he orders his drinks. “Did you see it Jimin? Kinda sus.”

Jimin remains nonchalant, blowing a strand of hair out of his sight before answering one of Jungkook’s urgent queries. “Jin never introduced you to her because well…” He looks Jungkook up and down with an unimpressed look. “You would get your grimy hands on her immediately. And Then after that, It’s like she never existed ” Jungkook opens his mouth, rebuttal on the tip of his tongue. “Don’t argue with me boy, the second you met her, you already wanted her on your dick, did you not?”

Jungkook is shocked to say the least, jaw hanging open as Taehyung makes his way back to the table, drinks in hand. “Oh God, what did you tell him?” Jungkook slams his fist on the table, yet again grabbing the attention of people around them. “That is not true! I have standards, and what about you two. You guys are just as bad.” He points accusingly at the bruises peeking out of Taehyung’s loose shirt, “Look at Tae! Those hickies are probably a combination of the three girls he fucked last week!”

Jimin doesn’t want to get kicked out of the cafe, so he attempts to calm down a soon to be raging Jungkook. “Look, to put it nicely, you’re a heartbreaker, you lead girls on whereas Tae and I actually tell people we’re not interested in anything more than a hookup.”

Jungkook seems to understand where he’s coming from. He can admit, he does have quite the reputation if the amount of times he’s been slapped in the face says anything. But now, with this newfound information, he can also admit that you’ve certainly intrigued him, that was for sure.

Jungkook wants to see you again.

Not for a rump in the sheets, but rather a friendly conversation. 

It was just his luck that he had heard through the grapevine that you had been invited to one of Jin’s small pool party get togethers. If Jungkook was being honest, he’s quite excited to be within your vicinity again but he knows he needs to keep his cool. Especially after the series of death threats and slaps on the neck from Jin. He shudders at the memory.

And so, Jungkook prepares himself more than he usually does. He wants to do it right this time. No flirty teasing, just friendly innocent conversation. He makes sure to carefully pick out the right swim shorts that display the thickness of his thighs. Not for any sexual gain, more so to show off the hours spent at the gym in hopes that maybe he can get you to become more interested in him as he is to you. He sounds desperate, and he’s sure you’re not that materialistic, but he has this nagging want to impress you somehow. He huffs and does a few pushups, for extra measure of course.

He’s not sure as to why his brain decided to make him act this way. You’re more or less a stranger to him. However, when Jungkook begins his short journey to Jin’s house he really lets himself think, which usually isn't a good idea. 

Jungkook doesn’t know you, but you’ve definitely left an imprint in his mind which makes you all the more fascinating. It’s news to him that you seem to be very close to his small circle of friends which is probably thanks to your deeply rooted friendship with Jin. That new piece of information had been bugging him since the day he met up with Taehyung and Jimin. Surely his reputation couldn’t be the only reason why you’ve never met him. Right?

Parking his car in Jin’s enormous driveway, he makes his way up to the grand front door. Sometimes he wishes he could live a life like Jin. He grew up being fed with a silver spoon his whole life. Having everything paid for instead of rolling in the miseries of college student debt.

Once Jungkook makes his way into the large house, he sets down the drinks he had brought onto the kitchen counter and watches his best friends goof around and enjoy the summer sun with a warm grin. He chuckles quietly when Jin pushes Jimin and his perfectly styled hair into the pool. Jimin screams a slur of curses while Jin quickly runs beside a sleeping Yoongi for protection.

Slipping out of his loose oversized shirt, Jungkook scans the entirety of Jin’s backyard, looking for the face that has been haunting him since that fateful night. She’s not here. He reexamines the pool seeing nothing but the chaotic mess of his favourite people, and he sighs. Just as he prepares to step out into the blazing sun, the sound of his stomach growling stops him in his tracks. 

Thinking about you made him nervous. So nervous that his stomach couldn’t bear the thought of breakfast. However, after the realisation that you hadn’t arrived just yet, makes him do a full one eighty, long strides taking him to Jin’s expensive fridge.

His head is already deep into the fridge when he hears the sound of the sliding door opening, revealing a dripping Jin with a small scowl on his face. It seems Jimin finally got his revenge. “I’m starving you got any leftovers?” Jungkook queries, his head popping out from the cool air of the fridge.

Jin grabs a fresh towel and whacks it against Jungkook’s naked back. “What’s the point of even asking when you’re already going through my damn fridge!” Jungkook flashes Jin an innocent grin and glows when he discovers a small bowl of Chinese takeout. 

It very quickly dawns on Jungkook that in order to enjoy a nice warm meal, he would need to heat it up. His stomach all but roars, not used to the lack of food in its system and Jungkook wants to cry. He wants to cry and it's not from the angry hunger pains, but rather something extremely laughable. He has to use a fucking microwave. 

You’re running late, there’s sweat running down your brow and you feel like your arms will fall off any second. The weight of snacks and alcohol you had brought making you stagger as you finally enter Jin’s enormous home.

The one and only thing that’s on your mind is the refreshing feeling of slipping into Jin’s pool while sipping on an iced beverage. This motivates you enough to put all the strength left in your exhausted being to speedily walk into the kitchen and throw everything onto the counter. 

“AHH FUCK!” You flinch at the sudden scream, hugging your body protectively. Jungkook slowly pops out from behind the other side of the counter, his doe eyes big and wide. “You fucking scared me Jesus!” He exclaims, running a hand through sweaty bangs.

The air had escaped your lungs long before you could utter your next sentence as the sight before you has you freezing. There he was, Jeon Jungkook in all his glory. Tanned skin and taut muscle sculpted by the Gods. You didn’t mean to stare, but how could you not! Your eyes had a mind of their own. He’s glorious, every single part of him, and you’re not even afraid to admit it. Your eyes are quick to eat him up, tracing the art staining the whole of his right arm and you wonder what every swirl of ink means to him.

Jungkook coughs awkwardly, going in to scratch at his neck. You imagined he would tease you about your obvious ogling, but it never came. Strange. “Why were you hiding?” You ask, dropping your gaze from his body in order to arrange the snacks into neat piles, using it as an excuse to slowly step closer to him. “Oh! Uh-”, he scratches his head, looking down at his feet before jumping five feet into the air, a startled gasp leaving his lips when the timer of the microwave goes off. 

You burst into laughter and Jungkook flushes in embarrassment. Jin had told you about Jungkook’s embarrassing fear of microwaves but you never thought you would see it first hand. You hold in the laughs that tickle your throat and try to settle him down by lightly touching his shoulder. He flinches at your touch.

“Are you okay?” You’re really close to him now. Your chest is practically pressed up against his and Jungkook gulps. How was it possible that you could look even more stunning than the last time he saw you? Your cheeks are glowing from the soft golden rays of the afternoon sun and the way you look up at him, your soft smile curling makes his head spin.

“Yeah, I’m good”, he breaks eye contact in embarrassment. “Sorry, just uh, microwaves are scary you know?” You giggle up at him. Is this really Jungkook? The Jungkook you’ve seen flaunting a new girl every week just to abruptly break her heart when he can’t promise anything more than sex? 

You’re not complaining, he’s quite adorable like this.

You’re not too sure why his personality has the sudden switch up. It could possibly be the fact that he’s with his closest friends and doesn’t feel the need to put up his playboy persona. Although, the way he blushes when he looks at you plays a different story. Do you make him nervous? Surely not, if the memories of that heated night are anything to go by.

“So uh, are you gonna head into the pool?” His empty stomach is long forgotten as he gestures to the large backyard, you nod up at him excitedly. It’s then Jin decides to bust back into the kitchen, a stern gaze set on his face. “Y/N, can I speak with you for a minute?” Jungkook cautiously takes a step away from you, your bodies no longer close to each other and you notice this with a small frown.

“Yeah, sure”, you relent walking over to Jin who places a protective arm around your shoulders. Unknowingly to you, Jin traps Jungkook down with a hard stare and signals Jungkook to go outside, to which he accepts with a nod.

“I know what you’re gonna say, and no I do not see him like that”, you cross your arms defensively. Jin sighs, “I just don’t wanna see you get hurt again.” He places his hands on your shoulders, full lecture mode on. “Let’s face it, you’re a hopeless romantic, I can’t trust that you won’t do something stupid, but you and Jungkook… You’re both important friends of mine and-” 

You’ve heard his overprotective brotherly speech plenty of times, “I know, and I’m so thankful that you’re looking out for me. I just don’t see the harm in befriending him, you’ve never let me speak to him before.” Jin releases his hold on your shoulders to fix the mess of his wet hair, “and there's a reason for that.”

Why was he so damn hard-headed. Jin loves Jungkook like he loves his family. It just didn't make any sense to you that Jin could approve of their friendship but when it comes to you, he completely shields you away from any interactions with the so called playboy. 

“When are you going to stop protecting me from boys?” Jin senses your frustration immediately. “I may be younger than you, but I’m also an adult just like you. An adult that can make her own choices.” You exhale slowly, “You’ve let me befriend your whole group and they’ve been nothing but wonderful to me, I don’t see the wrong in getting to know Jungkook.” 

Jin lets his guard down. You do have a point, maybe he was being a little too overprotective. He gives you a soft smile, you look away. 

“You’re right, I am in no position to dictate your decisions and who you choose to hang around with, it was wrong of me to treat you like that. Jin looks out into the pool, watching Jungkook tackle Taehyung. “I’m sorry I was a bit too harsh, Jungkook’s a good kid, he just got into the wrong crowd at first. Although, you gotta promise to tell me if he hurts you, cause he knows I’ll beat his ass.” 

You laugh accepting his apology, “are you sure about that? He’s a literal muscle pig.” You both begin to make your way outside and Jin shoves you slightly, “hey! You know I’m right.” Jin shakes his head and brings you into a comforting hug. “Yeah, yeah whatever.” He rolls his eyes, you beam up at him and together you walk out into the warm sunlight.

It hadn’t even been a second since you stepped outside, and already Yoongi’s long term girlfriend, Jieun is squealing your way. “Y/N! I’m so happy you're finally here, the amount of testosterone out here was starting to make me feel faint.” You giggle at her exasperated tone, pulling her into a tight hug. 

Nonchalantly you peel off your flowy sundress, it’s stickiness from your sweat making you cringe. “I missed you last week, why didn’t you come to class?” Jiuen pouts, “I'm sorry bub, I somehow caught a cold, but I trust you have some notes for me.” 

The way Jieun flutters her lashes at you innocently forces a roll from your eyes. Slathering sunscreen onto your arms, you reprimand her, “I swear you’re only using me for my notes, you literally never listen in class! Can you get my back please?”

She hums while you turn around, her small hands kneading sunscreen from your shoulder bones to the small dip in your back. Jieun continues to blabber on about the joys of life, not even checking if you’re listening to a single word she says. Instead your eyes are zeroed in on a certain someone.

Your staring is blatantly obvious but you don’t care. It’s only when Taehyung spots your burning gaze with a small smirk does he signal Jungkook to turn around to meet your flirty grin.  

Holy shit

The sun does a real great job of highlighting the gorgeous curves of your body adorned in quite possibly the smallest baby blue bikini he’s seen on a woman. Your breasts practically spill out of the tiny triangle cups and the pretty colour compliments your skin beautifully. 

Whilst Jungkook can admit you have one of the hottest bodies he’s seen in a while, his eyes surprisingly don't linger on your delicious curves for too long. Instead, he finds himself utterly enamoured by the way your eyes crinkle slightly when you smile prettily at him, your cheeks glowing with it. 

It suddenly dawns on him that you are the first girl that has truly enchanted him, and no, your ridiculously gorgeous body had little to do with it. 

Jungkook does not mind this change one bit. 

So, instead of staring at you like a gaping goldfish, he matches your flirtatious body language with a boyish grin and a small wave. His previous nerves dissipating only to be replaced by confidence and polished charm. He doesn’t want to scare you off with his sudden look of epiphany just yet, but the new unfamiliar feeling you give him is surely doing exactly that.

“My, my, Yoongi wasn’t lying.” Jieun stifles a giggle when she notices how Jungkook’s attention has steered towards you and only you. You’re quick to turn around, brows furrowed. “What are you on about?” 

“Oh you know… You and Jungkook”

You grimace, tired of the repeated topic of conversation. “Just because I sucked his dick once does not mean we're a thing” 

“Oh really? He’s asked me an awful lot of questions about you I was beginning to think otherwise”

“Wait, really?”

Jieun has the widest cheshire grin plastered on her face, it's starting to look quite unsettling.

“Really.”

You’re thoroughly shocked to say the least. You thought your fast, fleeting blowjob, sort of, was nothing special. A usual escapade to get his daily fill. Ordinary. Unmemorable.

However, it seems to be quite the opposite.

Jieun grabs your hand and swings it back and forth, exactly like a mother would do, although she’s merely two years older than you. “I know Jin’s been up your ass about Jungkook and frankly I don’t blame him he’s still a little shit from time to time but, he’s actually quite fun to be around and honestly I think his playboy tendencies seemed to dial down a bit since he met us.” The two of you giggle quietly amongst each other, quick feet making your way closer to the pool to avoid the scorching pavement.

Your toes are the first to dip into the pool and you practically moan at the cold water melting away the blistering haze that sticks onto your skin. The water is icy at your waist and you love it. “So my advice would be not to worry about him, instead it's his little army of plastic bimbos that you should watch out for.” 

“Ahh, internalised misogyny. We love to see it.” 

Jieun acknowledges you with a hum as the two of you float around the calming abyss. She then swims closer to you, nodding her head into the direction of a lonely Jungkook, who lazily stares at your alluring form. “I think your loverboy over there wants to talk to you.”

Jieun swims away before you can protest, leaving you to face the handsome man before you. His eyes are round and docile, yet his stare is tantalising, it pulls you in as if he’s slowly reeling you in with a rope. 

The water delicately ripples around your body when you approach him and you internally sigh in awe at the striking features of his stunning face. You want to use this opportunity to finally get to know him, and perhaps form a new friendship. 

You take note of the lack of Jin’s hawk-like eyes or for better the lack of any eyes on the two of you. You’re alone, huddled into one of the far corners of the pool, your conversation private, just for two pairs of ears. 

You open your mouth to speak, “So-”

“I-”

An uncomfortable silence stills the air and you both halt your words to giggle quietly amongst yourselves. God, this is awkward. 

“You go first”, You offer, tucking a wet strand of hair behind your ear. Jungkook follows the subtle movement of your fingers before taking a deep breath. 

“I feel like we should discuss the elephant in the room”

You're stunned. “Huh?”

“You know… That Friday night?”

Of course you knew what he was referring too, yet you wondered why as you honestly didn’t think that night had much impact on the man. 

With a raised brow you ask, “What about it?”

“I’ve just had a lot of... thoughts”

You scratch your head feeling puzzled. You’re sure Jungkook has had better blowjobs in his lifetime. Hell, Jungkook did most of the work that night. “Do you usually discuss the past hookups you have, or am I just lucky today?”

You’re teasing him, nevertheless Jungkook tilts his head back towards the sky. All he wants is clarification, only this conversation is heading down an awkward path, so he decides to spit out what’s been bothering him for the past few days.

“Okay listen, I know this is odd to say, but ever since that night, It’s like I can’t get you out of my head.”

Your ego inflates at his statement and you smirk. You knew you could suck dick well, but according to Jungkook you seem to have quite the talent.

You smile proudly, “damn, look at me go, I can’t believe I have the campus playboy wrapped around my finger.”

Jungkook scoffs, both in annoyance and embarrassment because shit, he could have worded that differently, now he sounds like the clingy girls he fucks.

“Yeah, yeah let’s not pretend like I was the only one enjoying myself here. Weren’t you the one practically begging to be touched?” 

You’re amused. “Weren’t you the one who couldn’t make me cum. Yet came from their own handjob?”

Jungkook tongues his cheek and looks away. The way you speak so casually intimidates him. No girl has ever spoken to him this way, in fact, Jungkook’s the one who usually likes to tease. He can slowly feel the creeping heat alighting his cheeks and God does he hope you don’t notice.

You patiently wait for Jungkook’s reply, a sly grin adorned on your pretty face. However, Jungkook doesn’t say anything, rather he frowns and immaturely splashes water at your face. 

“Jungkook!” You sputter, wiping at your face to rid of the chlorine in your eyes. “What the fuck was that for?”

He shrugs, “sorry my hand must’ve slipped”

You don’t take that for an answer, your petty nature crawling out as you splash him back harder than he had done. “Hand slipped, my ass.”

You cross your arms smugly, a small laugh blossoming out of your mouth when Jungkook cutely rubs at his eyes. 

It’s after a minute when you realise Jungkook hasn’t stopped furiously rubbing his eyes. The circular motions of his hand move so intensely that it begins to look painful and irritating. “Fuck, it stings”, he exclaims in agony.

Shit, you inwardly curse, gently touching his wrist, concern lacing your features because you didn’t think getting chlorinated water in one's eye would sting that much. You analyse his facial expressions closely and you wince at the redness surrounding his eyes from his harsh rubbing. 

On the contrary, Jungkook knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s competitive and won’t back down from a fight, even if it’s just fun banter, so he continues his little scheme just for the fun of it and hides his small grin under his large hands.

You’re now slightly panicked, “fuck, Jungkook I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit the water that hard I-”

Jungkook cracks.

Ever so slowly, he peeps his eyes out at you and watches with a mischievous smirk as your face morphs from alarmed to annoyed in less than a millisecond.

You tighten your grip on his wrist and attempt to slap his hard chest with your free hand, however Jungkook’s reflexes are fast and he grasps your hand tightly, a teasing glint in his eye. 

“You little shit-”

All of a sudden a loud holler is heard from the front door, rousing a relaxed Jin out of his chair as he sprints while simultaneously yelling at the ruckus being made. It’s then a stampede of both familiar and unfamiliar faces come crashing in. Some jump straight into the pool to cool off from the blazing sun while others rush to the table of assorted alcohol, desperate to get an ounce of it in their system.

Word seemed to go around about Jin’s supposed small get-together unbelievably fast, causing the once tranquil Kim Seokjin into a raging volcano. 

You’re pressed right up against Jungkook’s solid chest and he surprisingly pays you no mind, even though your perky tits are deliciously pushed up perfectly against his body. Jungkook’s eyes are not settled on them, rather he pays close attention to the amount of people dangerously plunging into the pool at a fast rate.

Jungkook protectively hugs your shoulders to shield you from the rowdy party goers who definitely do not understand the definition of personal space. Your heart swells when he then delicately places your head in the crook of his neck and wraps an arm around your fairly exposed body, essentially guarding you from frantic wet limbs and ignorant individuals.

You feel comfortable and safe, so comfortable that you wouldn’t mind staying like this for a while if it weren’t for the throng of college students delving into the cooling water. 

Jin’s house begins to fill with unexpected guests very quickly and you wonder how Jin is handling the situation. You suppose not very well when you see him whipping people with towels, red ears making an appearance and his booming voice following him.

Jungkook wants to get out and he’s sure you feel the same way which is why he smoothly slots his hand into your own, long fingers wrapping around your hand to carefully pull you through the growing crowd of people in the pool.

Whilst pushing past a variety of college students you are met with many stares, even worse, numerous envious eyes and whispers of possible gossip. You try your best to avoid their gazes, the hard stares reminding you of the last time Jungkook held your hand to push through groups of people. 

Water drips down the curves of your body and lands in little pools around you when you step out of the pool. At this point you’ve garnered even more turning heads that examine every inch of your skin closely. Their stares itch your skin and you feel akin to an animal kept in a zoo enclosure, curious eyes breaking down your confidence, you want to hide. 

You usually like to pride yourself on your confidence because you know you’re hot and you know your worth. It had taken many failed relationships to build up your self love and nourish the scars and memories of questioning if you’re good enough. 

You fight on and squeeze Jungkook’s hand, mostly for some sort of reassurance. It shocks you when he astonishingly squeezes back and softly rubs his thumb over the back of your hand. It’s almost as if he knows how you’re feeling. 

You glance up at him shyly. Jungkook keeps his eyes straight ahead. He smiles a different kind of smile than the one he had directed to you a few hours ago. His lips are in a permanent smug smirk. His usual playboy smile. He flashes it at everyone as if he’s asking for their approval and even goes in to high-five a few people who are unrecognisable to you. You soon realise that this is what Jungkook thrives on. People, validation and his notorious reputation he’s created for himself.

Jungkook lights up at the presence of crowds, flirty smiles and people calling his name, whereas you want to crawl into your skin and run away because from the perspective of outsiders it looks like you’re just another one of Jungkook’s flings that will soon be forgotten by next week.

Well, you hope you won’t turn out to be one of them.

At last you find yourself away from the heart of the party, your dress in hand but your body still wet nonetheless. Jungkook is in the same state as yourself, droplets of water dribbling from his dark hair and onto the timber flooring. He leans into your ear, “I’ll go get us some towels, stay here.”

He’s gone before you can reply, making small conversation when he passes by various people, his boisterous laugh echoing down the halls. 

You’re alone now, and defenceless at that. There’s not many people you know here, besides the few odd people you share a class with and some sleazy frat boys that hold a similar reputation to Jungkook. You want to find Jieun so you can hug her or maybe ask her if she can take you home, but she is nowhere to be found.

Fuck, You remember leaving your bag on the kitchen table, unsupervised with many personal belongings stowed away inside. Using your dress to cover the most of your exposed skin like a blanket, you stride over to the kitchen and sigh in relief when you find your bag untouched and in perfect condition.

Snatching up your bag, you grab your phone and immediately text Jieun to find out where the fuck she’s hiding, but there’s a part of you that knows she’s probably fucking Yoongi somewhere. Traitor.

Jungkook finds you to be in a completely different part of the house than where he asked you, one towel wrapped around his neck and the other draped over his arm. You haven’t noticed him yet, your frantic fingers texting a treacherous Jieun, “princess, didn’t I tell you to stay put?”

You’re startled. Switching your phone off you stick your arm out, waiting for Jungkook to pass you the towel but he doesn't. Jungkook gently pushes your shoulders so that you turn away from him and carefully wraps the towel around your body like a cape. You hold the edges of the fabric to help him hug the towel around yourself, keeping it tighter to your body.

Your voice is quiet, “thank you.”

Jungkook leans down to meet your face, “What was that?”

Even though Jungkook had been in the pool longer than you, his cologne still sticks to his skin and you kind of want to breathe more of it in, but that would be weird.

“Oh, I said thank you.”

You’re close to him again, although this time he towers over you with a look almost identical to a predator meeting its prey.

Jungkook’s eyes flirt around your face and descend. He shamelessly drinks up the swell of your breasts and whatever skin is visible amidst the fluffy towel around you. It’s strange. You had noticed Jungkook doing the exact same thing when you were alone with him. The difference though was that his looks were cursory as if he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Now, It's like a new persona had taken over him and he was ready to pounce at any sign of a green light. 

He’s stuck in a trance, fuckboy tinted glasses fogging his vision.

You force out a giggle and playfully shove his shoulder, “my eyes are up here, you know.” 

His reply comes lighting fast, he’s definitely been in this position before. “I know, just admiring them.”

Jungkook wants to hit himself the second his reply spewed out of his mouth. He desperately wants to reassure your unimpressed (though also very cute) face, because goddammit he wanted to be respectful. Jungkook knows he has a tendency to slip into a new personality when the right amount of people hyped him. Call it being two faced, he knows it's one of his fatal flaws. 

“I'm sorry.” 

He says it genuinely. 

Jungkook only just got to properly meet you, he doesn’t want to give you the wrong impression! He can admit, your first ever official meeting (moreso hookup) wasn’t ideal, yet the way Jin dragged him through the mud undoubtedly made him understand that you weren’t the type of woman that should ever undergo the treatment he puts his hookups through. Scratch that, any woman shouldn’t be treated the way Jungkook treats them.

You're now fully covered under the towel, not a sliver of skin on display. You don’t know if his apology was genuine. “It’s ok I guess, I expected nothing less from you anyways.”

“Right.” He’s messed up.

You clear your throat, “I’m gonna go get changed, maybe look for Jieun unless-”

Jungkook finishes your sentence, “-she’s fucking Yoongi.”

You exhale, “yeah.”

“Jeon Jungkook!”

The voice makes you halt at its familiar tone. Jungkook doesn’t notice your growing panic as he too freezes in his spot. 

No, it can’t be.

The world plays in slow motion when he walks into your line of vision. His assertive stride, smug smile and sharp eyes.

Jeong Suho.

His name explodes inside of you like a blistering fire yet your heart feels ice cold. He is the very man you have spent weeks trying to avoid and even more trying to get out of your head.

The world plays at a normal speed when he approaches Jungkook. Their facial expressions are the same, the way they greet each other is the same. They’re practically the same breed of fuckboy, born from the same mother.

“Been awhile since I’ve seen you around.”

Jeong Suho was a person that Jungkook didn’t really mind, In fact there was a point in Jungkook’s life where he would’ve considered Suho to be one of his closest friends. They were two peas in a pod freshmen year of college. Never giving a fuck about their education and always present for any opportunity to get completely wasted with as many girls they could possibly seduce. Nowadays, Jungkook would rather keep his distance from him.

On the contrary, you were one of the many girls that had fallen deeply for Suho’s alluring charm. You fell so hard, you thought that maybe just maybe there was a possibility that you could secure a future with him. Obviously that was not the case.

You thank your lucky stars that Jungkook was there to distract Suho while you make your haste escape. All you need to do now is somehow locate an unoccupied bathroom, preferably without having to walk in on someone getting it on, and then you could get the hell out of there.

You must admit, you look quite ridiculous right now. Navy blue towel wrapped tightly around your body, your small head peeking through. You could probably pass as some form of E.T cosplay right now. You don’t care if you look rude, pushing and shoving whoever stands in your way. You only have one goal and you’re so so close to succeeding-

“Wait, Y/N! Is that you?”

Fuck.

Do you run? Maybe duck behind some poor innocent student looking for a good time? You huff, you're already sticking out like a sore thumb, there’s no use in trying to hide when the enemy has already spotted you. Even worse Jungkook motions you over with a wide gleaming smile. If only he knew how much you’re dreading this interaction.

Grudgingly, you walk over, looking like an irritated gremlin with your towel still firmly secured around you. Jungkook makes matters worse by pushing the towel off your head, releasing your scruffy ball of hair. You grimace. 

“I didn’t know you knew Y/N?”

Suho sends a smirk your way. You however, glower.

“Yeah we go way back, don’t we baby?”

You force a tight lipped smile, howbeit you look as if you have a mild case of constipation. 

“Sure.” It comes out rough through gritted teeth.

Suho notes your frustration, a sly grin carving onto his punchable face. He turns towards Jungkook, seemingly blocking you from their conversation, yet you know Suho wants you to hear what he has to say.

“You know it’s a shame. Y/N’s gorgeous, ten outta ten body, knows how to put it to good use, however she never let me fuck her. Don’t you think that’s weird?”

Jungkook stays silent for a minute, eyeing your shaking fists and angry eyebrows. Jungkook may be dumb, but he sure knows how to read a room, thus leading him to the conclusion that your relationship with Suho isn’t something you’re very fond of and that he should probably get you out of here.

“Uhhh no, that’s not weird at all actually. What I think is weird is the fact that you think you have this sick claim on every girl you’ve defiled and even worse, you’ve always had this strange need to chase after every virgin you see like some perverted cherry picker. Yeah, that’s weird.”

Suho laughs right in his face, spit grossly tickling his skin. “That’s rich coming from you Jeon, weren't you quite the cherry picker in your freshman days, no?”

Jungkook doesn’t know what he expected from this conversation. It definitely wasn’t this.

It's obvious that Jungkook isn’t a saint, he really fucking far from it. Although, one thing's for sure, it’s his absolute hatred for the way his brain was wired in his freshman year of college. Yes, Jungkook still remains as one of the standing campus fuckboys but he’s gained a few more brain cells since then. 

Jungkook opens his mouth to retort, only to be met with Suho’s back as he turns his attention towards you.

“Y/N, darling if I were you i’d make a run for it, ya know keep your chastity intact or whatever.” His smile is saccharine sweet, though his words are sickly sour.

The months of pent up anger stored within your being bubbles and overflows like a bad science experiment. You’ve quickly decided that now’s that time to expose the shitty excuse of a man, and quite frankly you don’t care that you have an audience. Actually, an audience would make this all the better.

Your finger is strong, pointing accusingly at his broad chest. “You know what you stupid motherfucker? Don’t waltz in here with that dumb smile of yours when you know you have some disgusting cheesy infection growing down there.”

Suho’s eyes widen slightly. It was no secret he was a walking STD, just about infecting every girl that was naive enough to sit on his dick. 

Everyone at the party has definitely stopped to listen to what you have to say. You even spot Jin from the corner of your eye sending you a proud smile. “And while we're on the topic of cheese, Learn how to wash your fucking dick!”

You don’t let him have a moment to speak, grabbing Jungkook’s hand and pulling him out of the house.

A few people applaud, some girls praise you on your way out. You give them no mind, you’ve had enough for tonight.   

Jungkook starts his car, no questions asked. It’s obvious to him that there’s bad blood between you and Suho. What you don’t know is that Jungkook can also relate. 

Technically there was no bad blood between them, moreso the hurtful memories and manipulation Suho put him through. To put it simply, Suho was probably the worst influence Jungkook could ever have as a vunerable freshman. 

The crunch of gravel and soft melodies that spill out of Jungkook’s radio converse with eachother and fill the defeaning silence that sits between you and Jungkook. 

Jungkook doesn’t even know where he’s going, he just drives. 

Every so often he checks up on you from the corner of his eye. Your knees stick tightly together and point away from him. Your fingers curl and uncurl, leaving cresent moons in your skin. And to finish it off, your face remains still, hostility completely washing over your features. If Jungkook didn’t know any better he would think you’d jump out of his car and make a run for it at the chance of him stopping the car.

It’s seven sniffles later when Jungkook decides he knows where he should take you.

The night sky is clear and the stars burn brightly to accompany the full round moon. It’s the perfect setting for release and maybe a screaming session if you’re up for it.

Jungkook makes a stop behind a forest of tall trees and a dirt path. You sit up immediately. 

“Where are we?” Your eyes are rimmed with tears, “I want to go home.”

Jungkook shuts the engine off, “you never told me where you live.”

“Well you never asked!”

Maybe you shouldn’t have yelled because from the looks of it, Jungkook just wants to help you out and clearly you’re not being the friendliest right now. 

You curl back into yourself, “sorry”, another sniffle.

Jungkook brings your fists into his hands and warmly opens them up. You refuse to look at him, it doesn’t deter Jungkook one bit.

Tenderly he brings a finger under your chin, gradually bringing your eyes up to his. Jungkook takes his time with you, careful to not set you off until you’re face to face with his warm eyes. 

“I brought you here because it’s apparent we both need let out some pent up steam.” He drags his fingers delicately across the curve of your chin and back into his lap. His touch is fleeting, you miss it already. “I just thought you may want to vent or just shout out into the void, it’s up to you.” You nod, fully trusting Jungkook’s intentions. “And at any time you feel like going home just say the word and I’ll take you there, okay?” 

Your heart swells in adoration at his caring nature, though you can’t help but wonder how he can have such a sudden change in personality depending on where he is and who he’s with. It’s unnerving. 

Jungkook clicks his seatbelt off and heads out the car, “put your dress back on princess, I’ll be out here waiting for you.” You mutter your confirmation and do as he asks.

The cool summer air kisses your skin and runs through your hair as you step out of the car. Jungkook is already by your side dressed in an oversize hoodie with another in his hand as well as a fuzzy blanket. 

Jungkook steps closer to you, holding the hem of his hoodie to slip over your body. Without a second thought you raise your hands causing Jungkook to chuckle at how cute you look dwarfed in his clothes.

The same cologne you smelled on his skin earlier lingers on every fibre of fabric around you. His scent is everywhere, swirling around your head, instantly calming down your anxieties. You smile at him, “Lead the way Jungkook.”

Jungkook leads you up a small hill and you notice the trees opening up to display a lush field of grass. However, the sight before you leaves you in absolute wonder. You stand completely still and take it all in. 

The night sky is dark but the city below illuminates is beautifully. Your gaze bounces over all the buildings, skyscrapers and their dazzling bright lights. It’s peaceful up here, you decide as you take a glimpse of the hundreds of tall structures looking so tiny, so ant-like.

Jungkook is settled behind you, his legs comfortably folded underneath himself. He remembers what it was like the first time he saw the view, which is why he doesn’t blame your stunned silence and glazed eyes. 

“How did you find this place?”

You find your way towards Jungkook and plant yourself right beside him. “I don’t know, I was just driving aimlessly one night and found it, It’s nice right.”

You hum, “it’s beautiful.”

Jungkook murmurs in agreement as you lie down on the woolly blanket beneath you. The stars twinkle and glimmer amongst the deep blue sky, creating a serene experience. You shut your eyes.

“I hate him.”

Jungkook looks down at you, you don’t see him though. “Suho?”

“Yeah”, you exhale deeply, “I can’t believe I had to see him again.”

Although Jungkook knows you can’t see him, he swivels his body around to face you properly. “Did you guys date or something?”

You scoff, “pffft you know Suho doesn’t date anyone.” You open your eyes, meeting a pair of round docile ones. You continue, “Suho was the first guy who every gave me an ounce of attention. Before him guys never looked my way. Jungkook remains silent, letting you pour out what’s on your mind.

“Suho had me fooled, I thought I was special to him, thought he saw something in me that was different from the others. Turns out that was his game after all”

You speak so animatedly, your hands wave around in the air, your eyebrows scrunch when the memories come back to you. “It’s stupid really, how I used to gush to him about finding the one person in the universe that was created just for me. I guess he used this as my weak point.” 

Inhale, exhale. 

“He made me believe he was that special person for me, used it as an excuse to pressure me into sex.” A tear rolls down the side of your face, falling perfectly in a straight line. “I almost gave in, but something just felt so wrong. Every time I said no he would call me terrible names, tell me that no one would want me if I never gave them what they wanted. And I believed him.”

Another tear escapes your wet orbs, Jungkook is there to wipe it this time.

“I broke it off after I found out he fucked my roommate and gave her some disease.” You chuckle, “I guess I’m lucky I never let him fuck me huh?” 

Jungkook’s heart breaks at your saddened eyes and the way Suho treated you, he sweeps a stray hair out of you face. “I think you dodged a bullet there princess, what he did to you was pure evil, no one, and especially you don’t deserve that”

You sit up, wiping remaining tears and thanking him as you go, “It’s your turn now.” You pat his thigh, “tell me why Suho got you so riled up tonight.”

Jungkook shuffles in his spot, “It’s actually kind of similar to you.”

You gasp sarcastically, “no way he pressured you into sex too?”

He laughs, eyes squeezing shut, “No, no, nothing like that.”

You lean closer to Jungkook, giving him the same attention he had given you. “My father left when my mother found out she was pregnant with me, so growing up I had no male figure present in my life. My mother stopped at nothing to give me that to the point that almost every week I’d wake up and see a new man drinking out of my favourite mug. I didn’t mind it because I was only a child and some part of me always hoped they would stay, but they never did.”

“My mom was a hopeless romantic. She held so much sentimental and idealistic views on love that it stuck to me. She always told me that there was someone special out there just for me.” You smile at the similar belief, Jungkook sighs. 

“Cut to college, Suho was the first friend I made. I had no experience with girls whatsoever, and I still held on to my mother’s faith. Whenever I talked to Suho about it he would always shut me down or make fun of me.”

“He told me that all my feelings are bullshit, and that I only felt that way because I’ve never hooked up with anyone before. Next thing I knew we were going to parties every week getting absolutely shitfaced and fucking every girl I laid eyes on.”

You nod, listening intently. “And tonight, he hit a nerve. What he said made me realise that I’m just as bad as him. He moulded me into this person and now I have a reputation.”

Jungkook’s eyes drop, “he broke my concept of love before I even got to experience it.”

You never knew Jungkook was in a place like this. You always thought he was like Suho, built to break hearts and show no emotion when it came to love. Jungkook was nothing like that. His heart was truly big, desperately longing for someone.

Placing your hand on top of his own you comfort him as best as you can, “oh, Jungkook, trust me when I tell you this, the love in your heart is not broken. Think about it, most people you’ve met have been through college right?” He nods, “there are so many other people out there that you’ve never met, soon you’ll be able to find that someone and learn how to love. I know you present yourself as this emotionless playboy, but once you let that part of you go it’ll feel so freeing.”

Jungkook stares deeply into your eyes, he’s so thankful that he decided to bring you here, he can’t contain his happiness. 

“Can I like, hug you?” Jungkook asks shyly. You smile, and it’s so big and bright Jungkook might as well be staring at the sun. Before he knows it, you’re tackling him into the most wholesome hug he’s ever had. You’re warm and you smell like vanilla, It feels like home.

“Get up”, he says abruptly, extending his arm to pull up your confused self.

“What-”, Jungkook cuts you off, “have you ever just let yourself scream?”

Jungkook has intertwined your hands together, and your heart pounds at the realisation of how well they fit together. “Well, no but I assume that’s what we’re about to do right now.”

He pulls you closer to the edge of the small hill, the view of the city sparkles right in front of you. “On the count of three, one- two- three!”

You scream, you let it all out and God does it feel refreshing.

The two of you sound utterly insane, but none you give a single fuck. You scream until your lungs burn and your throat itches you to stop.

The volume of both of your voices ring out into the night sky only for the moon, stars and yourselves. The night is still young but Jungkook wouldn’t have it any other way.

With you he lets go of everything, all the past mistakes, all the hurt because at this moment he feels like he could fly, soar into the clouds. 

He feels infinite.

Taglist <3 

@zibermuda @uskookie @jeonscandies @melaninkpops @apollukee @hollowtree10 @liliskies @madygswich @pjmochii @eggbutnotyolk @gyukult @yukiehyukie @purplepearl07 (couldn’t tag) @tae165 @youurkryptonite @94ser0da @french-myfries @zippytheshark37 (couldn’t tag) @we8joon @tearvantae​ @emrysts @inspinkyring​​

[mychemicalaromanticism]

They were ganging up on her again.

She recognized this pattern, the way Party and Kobra drifted as one unit towards a spot off to her left, while Ghoul stood front-and-center looking carefully uninterested and Jet hung around closer to her right. She learned to adopt a similar blank expression to Ghoul’s as she watched the four of them get into position. Back then, she’d look up at Ghoul and fiddle with a bracelet or necklace and try to get him to look at her. Then one of them would start the conversation and tell her whatever news it was they had and she’d sit there and take it.

That was seven years ago. 

“Got something to say?” She asked flatly.

Ghoul startled out of his facade; he was always the easiest for her to sway. She held his fleeting gaze and crossed her arms as he shuffled his feet. “Th’ four of us just wanted to talk,” he said, scooting closer to Jet.

“Shit’s been real messy with the Vs,” Jet continued, “and we keep just sitting around n’ hoping it’ll fix itself, but it hasn’t. So… conversation.” He briefly exchanged looks with Party. “I’m gonna be honest, it’s only been messy with Val. But the rest of the Vs more or less follow his lead, so any problem with him becomes a problem with all of ‘em.”

“You mean the same way you all follow Party’s lead?” The Girl countered. “Yeah, I know how crews work.”

“Would you stop fighting us on this for two seconds?” Party snapped. “We’re trying to work with them and let you bring them around. But they’re fucking assholes!”

“You’re not even giving them a chance!”

Party stepped away from Kobra. “I’ve given them plenty of chances. Plenty of wiggle room. We all have.” They took another step closer. No one looked happy, but there was no objection. “Why are you so determined to save this guy?”

The Girl shot out of her booth and slammed her hand on the table. “I AM NOT SAVING ANYONE!” She let herself feel satisfied at the shock on The Four’s faces. Party shrunk back- just slightly, the movement barely visible. “I’m not martyring myself for a man ten years older than me,” she snarled, “I’ve already done that.”

Paty’s face faltered to confusion. “What are you even talking about?”

“What am I talking about!?” The Girl looked at Party, looked at The Fabulous Four in front of her, looked at her family’s faces and felt her stomach drop at their bewildered expressions. She braced a hand on the table. “My whole life,” she breathed. “I spent my whole life running and hiding from Better Living. I was raised knowing that I would never be safe, and I just bit the bullet and lived my life. For you. For the Zones. Because I was supposed to save everyone.”

“And you did!” Ghoul said. The Girl snapped her eyes to his, but he didn’t flinch. “You were amazing! And we did what we could to help you, and you did it! Why are you upset now?”

None of the Four challenged Ghoul. Kobra had slowly moved to Party’s side and hovered next to them, while Jet gripped Ghoul’s hand like a lifeline.

None of them understood.

None of them cared.

“I- I died for you.” I cried for you. I marched into the City for you. I let the magic rip me apart and stitch me back together for you. “What happened in the City killed me.” She paused to settle her breathing, then focused on Party. “And the only friends I had with me were The Ultra Vs. They saw my powers kill me and bring me back all at once and they were all I had.”

[sugarakis-p2]

Shigaraki's muse Ch22

Ember finally escapes! Yay! Things are bitter sweet but at least she is loved by one man who will do anything to help her.

Warning: Kisses, violence, threats of death and rape.

Chapter 21

Chapter 22: Three way split

“Are you sure he said Todoroki?” Bakugou asked. He is lounging with her in his arms, the lotion being warmed with his back. Ember found when he wasn’t screaming at her, she didn’t mind being hugged and pampered.

“Yes. I would not forget the number two hero. He said Todoroki and a part of me got wet at the idea of having a little flame prince or princess,” she says, flipping through her Manga.

“We could use this to our advantage. Having that old man recognize you in that battle is serious. Could cause problems later.” He says, putting on the same rubber gloves. She wants to ask him about it but hasn’t dared yet. He squeezes out a warm glob, rubs his hands together, and then starts creating gentle circles. Whispering sweet nothings to the baby. She doubts the baby can hear it from near her head, so really, he’s whispering to her.

“Well, I don’t want anything to do with any Todoroki; if they produced Dabi, they could go straight to hell. The way this fucker moves around in there, I can only imagine what kind of evil disposition it has. I can feel it. It’s going to be an HIM and probably a clone of Dabi. You know, because life just loves to shit on me. We? When did we agree to be, we?”

“Yes, we! You can be in denial as much as you want, but the fact is everyone else is an extra. At some point, you’ll realize it,” He caresses her belly sensually. She can feel a bulge even through the pillow between them. Ok, enough of this, she thinks, grunting while getting up.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, isn’t there somebody in your class or your age you can yearn for?” She asks sincerely and as gently as she can manage. Rubbing the excess lotion into her skin. Bakugou looks dumbfounded for a second before he takes the gloves off and carefully sets them aside with a shrug.

“I was more focused on being a hero. Once I joined UA, I was less popular and had more competition. There was someone. You remind me of him, stupidly nice, but he’s likely dead. That pink girl sounded like a girl he spent time with, ergo I think he was the redhead they mentioned,” He shrugs again. Ember is physically sick at hearing this. She wonders how he doesn’t blame her for this. Tears are rolling down her cheeks against her will. She throws herself at him, hugging him tightly.

“I’m sorry. How are you so calm? This is all my fa,” She begins but is interrupted by him.

“Do you remember what you told me the second day I was here? I was a mess. Blaming myself. Crying out in my sleep when you came crawling out from under the desk. I was startled and hit you.” He wipes his hands on his shirt before he holds her face in his palms. Making her look into those crimson eyes. “You smiled and told me it wasn’t my responsibility. I can’t take the burden of what bad people actually have done; on me. You need to take your own advice. But I will take the hug. You feel good. Smell nice too.” He mumbles, pulling her back into the embrace.

“How? You can’t tell me that evil nerd is better than me in any way,” he growls suddenly. It was so surprising she jerked away and narrowed her eyes at him.

“That nerd and I have a lot in common,” she replies. Ember still feels ashamed about his friend and doesn’t understand the strange subject change.

“We have a lot more real experiences together that are not tainted. Plus, I have muscles. Feel,” he says, flexing in her arms. Ember wriggles, trying to move out of his hug.

“Tomura has muscles too,” she huffs. He’s not ready to let her run away from this conversation he’s tried to have with her several times since she kissed him.

“Why do you still call him that? He is Tomura Shigaraki! Shigaraki! Like the fucker that defiled you. What do you know, son like Master,” he seethes.

“Don’t start, Baku. I’m not in the moo,” Again, he interrupts her.

“Say it,” he shouts at her. “Say his full name. The one he used when he went out to kill kids. Say it!” he yells at her.

“I can’t,” she weeps.

“Because he threatened to hurt you if you called him anything other than Tomura? That right there is proof he has gotten in your head. That he’s a monster, who doesn’t deserve you. Even if we don’t end up together, don’t go running back to the man that abused you. I care about you too much for that,” he says, finally releasing her. She pushes herself from him.

“Fine fuck! He got in my head. Come on, let’s get the fuck out of here.” Wiping tears away as she stands. He tenderly grabs her hand, plays with her fingers, and makes her soften a little to him. Tomura couldn’t do this. He ruins it, like always.

“I’m not crying over my dead friends because when I find Shigaraki, I’m going to kill him,” he says through gritted teeth.

“That doesn’t sound very hero-like. Let’s just go. It’s time for HS,” she answers, yanking her fingers back.

“So, you can run away from this conversation? Run away from me? Run back to him?” He is staring at her with those beautiful red eyes making her weak. Standing and wrapping his arms around her. She gives him a stunning smile that makes him look away. His cheeks are reddening.

“No. I am going to eat a dozen donuts with a glass of that chocolate bubble tea. I’m tired of eating dried noodles,” Ember teases, moving towards the dark hall. She has been feeling a regular fluttering of baby feet in her.

“That’s not good for you or the baby. A large salad with iron-rich greens is what you will get,” he responds, leading the way with the lamp that is quickly losing its light.

“Fuck you! I will not! Can’t make me,” she says, sticking her tongue out at him.

“Yeah, you will.” He smirks at her as they arrive under the vent. “You have been doing amazing. You can pull the reaction to you from further and further. Can you maintain that kind of pressure you did last time?”

“I think I can. It gets more complicated when I can’t see you. Please, be vigilant. I worry about the stench your body will create if we fuck up. If I fuck up,” Ember frets.

“I’m explosion-proof,” he says simply. As if Ember has not grasped this concept.

“But you’re not crush-proof. You still need to breathe. Please be careful. There will be no way for me to get you out,” she pleads.

“Hey, I’m going to be fine.” Bakugou gives her an annoyed look.

“You need to stop, take a break, you shout out.” He instructs. “I’m about ready to fly up there. Are you ready?” She nods and removes most of her clothes. He looks away and gets in his flight stance.

“Ready!” she shouts. Immediately Baku explosions are muffled by her quirk. A line of swirling molten lava appears all over her body. She never knew her quirk worked like this until Bakugou. Her eyes even glowed, and she delighted in how pretty it looked. The molten patterns sucks in the sparks and flames, no longer just to her mouth, it flows to the line like metal attracted to a magnet. Hours go by, and she feels sick to her stomach. She might burst any second.

“Baku, I need a break,” She yells over his explosions. She doesn’t stop until she no longer sees sparks. She can hear Baku grunt and bang around as he crawls out to drop in front of her.

“WE ARE CLOSE! I reached out into empty space up there. It’s a room. Come here!” He grabs her before she can say anything. Baku is pressing his soft lip to hers. What started as a celebration smooch turned quickly into a demanding carnal kiss. A hand goes to the back of her head as his tongue massages hers. He tasted a little sour but still spicy. He moans slightly with need into her mouth. Ember wasn’t hating it, but she felt like she was going to puke in his mouth. She raises her arms and pushes him away.

“I don’t feel well,” she gasps.

“Kiss couldn’t have been that bad,” Bakugou says with a handsome grin. It disappears and twists into dreaded concern. “Ember. What’s wrong?”

“I feel so strange. A foul taste at the back of my throat.” She clutches at her throat. Foul black bile is forcing its way out of her. It feels alive. The sudden lack of oxygen after using her quirk is making her lightheaded. She doesn’t want to pass out, and she tries to scream for Bakugou. All she can do is choke. Bakugou looks frightened and enraged at the same time. It is making this worse. If he’s scared, she should be frightened.

“Ember! No! God Dammit!” he curses, trying to grab her. Ember has never seen it before, but be he has. Somehow that quirk is being used to take Ember away from him. His fingers pass through black bile.

“Not again! Fuck you, Shigaraki! I’m going to fucking kill you. I’m going to kill you. Not again. Not Ember,” He whimpers. Falling to his knees where he last saw her.

Ember  is in a dark room. A void she is too scared to move, her heart is slamming, and she tries to calm down for the baby. It’s a deep inky black, and she couldn’t see the floor. Timidly she stretches out a toe, and the blackness ripples like water.

“Ember. Over here! Come here, baby girl!” A heavily accented man shouted in the distance. She squints to see spots of white on him. Her breath is hitching as she struggles with what to do. She starts crying and babbling in French. Questioning if she should risk it. Tomura would be deadly if he found out she ran to a hero…. she stops. This is familiar. She only speaks French in dreams. Terror! He has a heavy accent and calls her baby girl. She runs towards the white dots. The closer she gets, the shape begins to take form. The two-tail black and white tuxedo, the silver temples. It is Terror in his dream form. The same as when she first saw him before Blue Streak. Silver fox, handsome, and not drooling while shitting himself in a wheelchair.

She ran into his arms and hugged him. Ember wept like a child, then turned into a child. The dreamscape has a way of getting out of hand when strong emotions are involved. This is the Terrors world, and he knows how to navigate it. He lifts her up and cradles Ember to him as if he really was her father.

“I missed you. I didn’t know if you were ok or even alive. Where are you?” He gasps through his own tears.

“I don’t know. I don’t know. That villain, All for One, put me in a fucking bunker! Where were you? I had so many nightmares, and not once did you show up.” The child version of her dripped tears and snot while she weakly smacked at him.

“You were out of reach until a moment ago.” His features twisted in rage. “I know that fucking bunker. Fucking AFO. Gave him my loyalty, my life services, and the fucker does this. I begged him a week after you disappeared to find you. It was suspicious how that burnt kid kept coming around. Asking a bunch of questions about us and YOU. AFO told me he would do his best. Asked a bunch of questions and then ghosted me. Mother fucker. I bet he was laughing the whole time. It must have been the bunker blocking me. Which means you are not in the bunker anymore. Describe it. What happened a moment ago?”

“I’m pregnant and thought it was the sickness. But instead, I started puking up black stuff. It felt warm and alive. It smelled and tasted gross, like bile mixed with old blood sausage. Bakugou was in front of me, panicking. The blackness spread. Then I was being grabbed by a Nomu; I felt its familiar grip. I know the fucking Nomu that grabbed me. I ended up here. I can’t give you directions. But that Nomu was last with AFO. At AFO’s medical place,” she was strong at first, but it ended in a whimper, and she became even younger. “Please make this stop. If I birth myself, I’m going to fucking lose it.”

He waves his hand and turns her back into how she sees herself now. The Terrors eyes widen as he looks at her middle. He immediately began cussing, and images of slaughtering AFO started flashing around. She screamed in horror when there were different versions of her being fucked by AFO, making her sick.

“No, stop! It’s not AFO’s. Fuck sake, I would kill myself if that happened. It’s not his.” The flashing imagines started to calm down, and it went back to a blank scape.

“I’m so sorry. I get very emotional when I think of what AFO could have done to you. I know that there is no limit to his wickedness. The quirk you described sounds like Black Biles. He has been missing for a year. When you are awake. Look at your surroundings. Memorize all the details of it as I taught you. I must ask. Whose is it? It’s important.”

“I, well, it’s a long story. But I…technically…. I don’t know. Dabi Todoroki or Tomura Shigaraki,” she shrugs.

“Fuck. It might make finding you easier but getting you away…,” he trails off. “I will do everything I can. Be smart. You stay safe. I can feel you waking up. I will see you back here.” He kisses her forehead.

Ember's  eyes flutter open, and she moans. The ceiling is nasty blood-splattered steel. She looks over and groans. She’s in a cell. On the other side of the bars is a short bald man she recognizes. She even knows the giant Nomu beside him.

“Good morning Ms. Ember,” Ujiko said. Looking at a chart.

“Hello, Dr. Ujiko. Long time no see. I have a few questions,” she says with the falsest smile she has ever used.

“I won’t be answering any of your questions right now. I also won’t be feeding you until you step to the bars and hold out your arm. I need to draw blood,” he grumbles. Ember throws her legs over, standing her knees get wobbly, and she needs to sit back down.

“Sorry, Doc. I really need something to eat. It’s been dried noodles for weeks. Maybe get that Nomu to pick me up." She points.

“Nope. You have your quirk back, and I don’t underestimate quirks. Do you want food? Dig down deep and put your arm through the bars.” He taps the bars with his pen. Condescending penis tip, she thinks. She grits her teeth and crawls to the bars on her hands and knees. Her hand landed on a small pebble, and it hurt like hell. She lifts it to see that it’s not a pebble. It’s a human tooth. She flicks it away and continues with a disgusted shudder. She’s lying on the ground with her arm through the bar. At least the doctor is quick.

“That is a lot of blood Doc. I’m getting lightheaded,” she chuckles nervously. “Where is Tomura? Can I see him? I miss him.”

Her eyes are darting everywhere, striving to remember the most minor details. The doctor took five vials and plugged several into various machines. He took the last and plugged it into a machine holding one of his Nomu’s tanks. She looks over at the giant hulky black monster at the bars and waves to be polite. It’s the one that has licked her before. The Master used him the most because he had the largest and longest tongue that lolled out. Combined with its long neck, it looked like a gothic giraffe. Maybe a cenobite from Hellraiser, with its brain all out there, she thinks.

He sees her and does something that makes her skin crawl. He looks to the doctor. When he sees he’s busy, he leans down. His long tongue stretches through the bars and licks over her lips. She jerks away from him with a squeak of surprise. He made a deep growl and checked to see if the doctor was looking again. She had no idea it had a mind of its own. Ember starts babbling at the doctor to get his attention. The Nomu snorts in frustration at her actions.

“Oh, my doc. This is an interesting place. What have you been up to? Is that a new Nomu? Can I see Tomura soon? Can I ask where is Bakugou?” she asks as the tongue slithers back in its mouth before the doctor notices.

“I don’t like these nutrient numbers. I will give you some supplements and a balanced meal.” He says, making notes in her personal chart. She really didn’t like this guy. “Are you really concerned for the brat?”

“Well, as a health care professional, you think you would be too,” she snits at him.

“He’s fine. In fact, he has longer to live now that you’re here. However, if you step out of line, refuse to take your medicine, or eat the food in protest. I’ll be sure to leave him down there. In about three hours, I’ll let you out, and you will meet your own personalized Nomu,” he grins.

“You’re a mean one Mr. Ujiko,” she hisses. “Please, let him go. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve been trained by your Master; Shigaraki, so I won’t cause a fuss. You won’t even know I’m here. Let the boy go,” she begs, least annoyingly way she can think of.

“Very true. Not after I get this Nomu working. You will not be going anywhere,” he chortles to himself.

“Can you please tell me where Tomura is?” She asks again. Maybe she can keep hope alive that she won’t be stuck dealing with this mad scientist.

“He’s fine. Master wanted you taken care of. Need to get you prepped for two more quirks. Which means we need you healthy,” he snorts in disgust.

“I really don’t want more quirks. Where is Tomura?” She snivels.

“Too bad. He has plans for you. Personally, I don’t know what any of them see in you,” he huffed, walking away. The Nomu left and came back with her pills and a hospital tray of spinach and meatloaf. She snatches it and shoves it in her face at lightning speed. Ember can’t taste it, and she doesn’t care; she wants food so bad. The tray is licked clean. She feels so wrong, racked with guilt. Bakugou is still trapped, not enjoying anything as fresh. How will he tunnel out without her? Looking up, she sees the Nomu has something else. It’s a chocolate pudding cup. Her mouth is watering at the thought of it. The fucker is shaking it at her like a doggy toy.

“What do you want for that?” she asks cautiously. It raises a finger and beckons to her to come closer. His tongue is drooping and dripping with saliva. She shudders in fear and shakes her head no. She even squirms further away into the corner of the dirty bed.

“I’m good, sweetie. Besides, what if the doctor comes back? And I have to be honest, it’s hard to get in the mood for that when I’m in a gore-covered hell hole,” she says to him. It gives her a pitiful whimper and tosses the pudding at her. She catches it and immediately opens it, using her finger to scoop it in her mouth. She moans in pleasure.

“Thank you,” she mourns. I guess we were both right, Baku, Ember supposes.

Elsewhere.

Shigaraki is stepping on a sidekick’s head, grinding the heel of his red sneaker in her pretty hair, making her cry. Her arms are tied behind her back in the middle of Ember's kitchen. He can hear her delicate strands tear away and the cracking sound of her nose. He hoots around father in joy. Blood mixed with other fluids smeared the kitchen floor. It annoyed him, Ember likes her kitchen sterile, and this dumb bitch is forcing him to spoil it.

“Oh, look at the brave hero. I do not admire or appreciate it. Tell me what I want to know,” he snarls at the sidekick through gritted teeth.

“Hey, Shiggy,” Dabi begins.

“Don’t call me that,” he hisses. Turning his attention back to his current task.

“We’re fuck brothers, though. We’re going to be fuck brother-husband-co-daddies, and I can’t call you Shiggy?” Dabi snorts, shaking his head as Shigaraki starts to itch his neck. It had become a bloody mess without Ember. Dabi was doing his best to be an adult about it. Not that Shigaraki ever showed he appreciated the efforts.

“I am going to be a husband. I am going to be the daddy. You’re just the guy who betrayed her, not my brother,” Shigaraki snarls. He takes out his frustrations on the girl writhing and crying on the ground as he grinds just a little harder. Not enough to make her burst like a melon but enough to get his point across.

“Well, what I was going to say, Shiggy, was that one person offered a lot of money for a video of you strangling and decaying a person. Double for a sidekick,” he says casually. Shigaraki smiles and lifts the woman by her hair.

“That sounds like a great way to kill two birds with one stone,” Shigaraki agrees as he quickly wraps four fingers around her neck. The little sidekick spits out three of her teeth in Shigaraki’s face.

“Fuck you. Go to hell!” she snarls at him. The mess of her face dripping blood, snot, and tears. Shigaraki lets go of her neck to wipe the smear of blood and spittle off his face.

“Well, you’re not pretty anymore, so I don’t want to fuck you,” he taunts her. He looks to Dabi and grins. “Didn’t they say they would pay more if you fucked one?”

This question made the future hero whimper pitifully and squirm. She weakly tries to pull away from Shigaraki. Dabi notices and grins.

“What’s the matter, princess? Don’t you like the idea of me fucking you? That’s a shame because I’m the nice one. The lizard has two cocks with spines,” Dabi says, pointing to Spinner.

“Shut up, Dabi!” Spinner huffs and blushes.

“And Toga has to be last. Because I’m sure she will cut you and suck you dry,” He smiles as if knowing this is a fact.

“She is pretty cute,” Toga giggles licking her blade.

“You’re not looking at the bright side. At least while our dicks and knives are inside you, you still have a moment longer to live. Because this guy,” Dabi points to the maniac scratching himself and seething with rage. “Doesn’t show mercy, and he can make it slow. Start at the feet.”

She whimpers and squirms, her eyes darting in fear from one to the other.

“I rather die than have anyone one of you in me,” she sneers.

“Well, now that’s just an open invitation to the likes of us, sweetie,” Mr. Compress says.

“If I make doubles, do all my doubles get a turn too?” Twice asks.

“I like that idea. Very outside of the box. Nice work Twice,” Shigaraki rasps around father. Tears cascade down her face, and she sobs. She wanted to be a strong hero, but she never thought in a million years she would be dealing with pure evil like this. The thought of them violating her and posting it on the internet was more dreadful than killing her. She was ready for a punch to the face or death, but humiliation like this would be too far.

“We have her laptop in evidence. Although we found nothing on it. I have no idea where it is now. Couldn’t reach it if you tried,” she blubbers. “Kill me now, please.”

“As you wish,” Shigaraki begins to strangle her. Her body convulsed as she struggled to breathe.

“Wait, I have an idea. I will put her in the same mailbox we put the others in and stake it out. Someone delivered those would-be heroes to the doctor. You know the redhead and girl with no arm,” Compress suggests. Shigaraki sighs and shoves her to him. She falls forward with a wet splat and a groan of pain. Compress turns her into a marble with an elaborate swoop and puts her in his pocket with a flourish. Magne squeaks and covers her mouth when everyone looks at her. She says nothing and they draw their attention back to Compress, she quickly turns to Mustard.

“I took my eyes away for a second!” rattled Magne shows him the feed from Shigaraki’s old room. Bakugou has made a person out of pillows and blankets, hugging them tightly, curled in a fetal position, while weeping soundlessly. Mustard switches to the other cameras and gasps. This was bad. Bakugou came back with no Ember and is now crying about it.

“Fuck, what if he killed her?” Mustard breathes. He had to stay calm to control his gas.

“I don’t want to be the one to tell him. You tell him,” she panics and forces it in his hands.

“After I threatened to kill her, he’s been giving me the dangerous shit jobs. You tell him,” he tosses it back. She juggles it like a poisonous snake.

“Tell me what?” Shigaraki asks. With shaky hands, Magne tosses the cell onto Ember's couch. Shigaraki snatches it up and has a look. The one red eye they can see narrows in anger, then confusion as they see Shigaraki press the same button, flipping through the various cameras. An unnatural keen is growing in his throat.

“No! No! No! Where is she?” he screeches. Tearing at the flesh of his neck. He was bleeding so severely, several of the members of the League had to stop him.

He was crushed, lost in the darkness again.

Chapter 23

[ellewriteswrongs]

layers of love - prinxiety

1.8k words

ao3 / ko-fi / previous work

summary: self-indulgent fluffy prinxiety, very domestic, some shrek references, y'all know the drill

cw: mild swearing, slight innuendo/suggestive dialogue

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Virgil asked from where he laid against his boyfriend’s chest. Roman’s hand stilled as he played with Virgil’s hair.

“Hmm?” He hummed, continuing to rock them with one leg hanging out of their shared hammock. “‘Course you can.”

Virgil made something akin to a purr as he laid in the sun, his hoodie discarded for once.

“When you first said you loved me…was it scary?”

Roman’s brow furrowed at the question, leaning back to try and see the other man’s face.

“Scary? I…I guess I don’t know. I think, in the moment, it just felt right,” he spoke with a soft smile, pausing only to plant a kiss on the other man’s forehead. “But ever since I realized it…every time I thought about saying it, I was terrified.”

When Virgil only shifted, tightening his grip around Roman’s waist, the latter continued.

“I was so worried you’d be freaked out and think I was moving too fast and the last thing I ever wanted was to scare you off, but I…” he trailed off, letting out an amused chuckle. “I was only ever afraid of losing you. Loving you has never scared me.”

Virgil hummed, leaning up to steal a lazy kiss from the corner of Roman’s lips.

“But what about all those stupid stories you like?” He smirked, folding his arms over Roman’s chest as he rested his chin on them. “Quite a bit of pressure there, Princey.”

Roman chuckled, twirling a particular strand of hair around his finger.

“Ahh yes, those stupid fairytales that you make me read to you all the time,” he teased, earning a playful slap on his shoulder. “I’ll have you know, I have more than enough understanding of when dramatic proclamations of my undying love are unwanted.”

Virgil just exhaled a short chuckle, reaching to pull Roman’s hand out of his hair and over to hold it against his cheek, first pressing a kiss into the palm.

“Isn’t that why it’s such a big deal though?” He mused, his eyes half-focused on the beach around them. “Like, isn’t the whole point of falling in love so that something changes once you say it? And…and nothing changed when we said it.”

Roman stiffed a little bit from under him. “Did you…want something to change?”

No. No, of course he didn’t. That was the best part about it.

He told Roman as such.

“I guess I just…always thought something would change, even if we didn’t really want it to,” he explained, closing his eyes as Roman started playing with his hair again. “But I like how we are. How we’ve always been.”

“How we’ve always been? I don’t know about you, stormcloud, but I think things have definitely changed for the better.”

Virgil huffed with a small smile.

“Alright, fine,” he said, his cheeks hot. “I’m glad we changed even if it was just a little.”

Roman chuckled, his chest vibrating comfortingly against Virgil’s head.

“Yeah, I think I like you a little bit more these days, sunshine.”

Virgil scoffed, jabbing Roman’s side with his elbow.

“Thanks, babe," he spoke teasingly. “What glowing praise."

Roman only wrapped both arms around him and squeezed tight, one hand cradling the back of his head and the other holding him by the waist.

"My darling dark and stormy knight,” Roman cooed dramatically, peppering kisses all over his face until the other started laughing. "The angel from my nightmares, oh how I adore you with everything I am."

Virgil smiled, his gaze soft and fond as he looked up at the man he loved.

"Mhm, that's more like it," he smirked, stealing a kiss. "I love you, dork."

Roman bent down to lean their foreheads together.

“What's with all the introspection, my love?"

"Good word, babe."

“Shut up, I'm just worried about you," Roman grumbled, tucking Virgil's head back under his chin.

"You're worried about me? Because I’m talking about being in love with you?" Virgil asked, taking one of Roman's hands to fiddle with his fingers.

"Well, you just don't...talk about it. We both don’t,” Roman explained, his voice vibrating through his chest. "And I'm glad we are, it's just...not what we do."

Virgil smiled, sighing contentedly.

"Nothing's wrong, I promise,” he assured him. "I guess I've just been thinking a lot lately."

"Oh wow, congrats," Roman teased with sarcastic claps.

“Shut up, oh my god,” Virgil complained, not even trying to hide his laughter. "I'm trying to be serious here."

"Alright, alright, I concede," Roman smiled, holding up his hands in mock surrender.

"I just kind of realized that I've been feeling different lately,” he started, causing Roman to immediately stiffen and lean back to see Virgil's face. Virgil smirked, rolling his eyes fondly. “I just told you nothing's wrong, chill babe."

"You telling me to chill out is quite ironic, methinks," Roman teased, relaxing back into the hammock. “It's not my fault you're rubbing off on me, Frank Fear-o.”

Virgil snorted a laugh at the nickname before he continued.

"Ever since we said it, I've just felt... better," he spoke, a soft smile on his face. "I don't even know how to explain it, it's just...better. I get headaches less, when I get anxious, it turns into panic attacks like half as much."

He paused as Roman's lips met his temple.

"And I think the strangest thing is," he spoke, propping himself up on his forearm to look down at his boyfriend

below him. “When you told me you loved me, I didn't doubt it for a second."

Roman gave a short, watery chuckle; his eyes tearing up just a little.

"Even just a year ago, I wouldn't've believed anybody who said that to me but you," he paused, reaching to squish Roman's cheeks with one hand until they both laughed. "I knew you'd never lie to me, but more than anything, I felt it."

He leaned in, intending to only steal a quick kiss before it swiftly escalated.

“Who knew you were such a sap?" Roman teased, breathing heavily as they eventually broke apart.

“Says you, Romeo."

“Oh, I wear that badge with pride, darling," he beamed. "According to Thomas' Twitter, I'm his 'simp' side."

Virgil snorted, laying back down as he leaned into Roman's shoulder.

"Okay, they're definitely right about that one,” he mumbled, ruffling the other’s curly hair affectionately. “I’ve got you wrapped around my finger and you can’t even deny it.”

Roman grabbed one of said fingers and brought it to his lips, planting a dramatic, drawn-out kiss with the most exaggerated noise he could.

“But of course!” He bellowed, earning a fond eye roll from his boyfriend. “For it is my only duty to bestow upon you all of the love one can possibly muster.”

Virgil quirked an eyebrow.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve got a few other duties, babe,” he challenged with a smirk. “Like maybe the concept pitch for the next scripted video that you haven’t done, or the notes for the editors, or the fact that Thomas hasn’t even picked up his ukulele since last year, or—“

“Okay! Okay, fine, I can’t devote my whole life to smothering you forever,” he agreed exasperatedly. “But if I could, I would.”

Virgil chuckled, folding his arms over Roman’s chest and resting his chin on top.

“Hmm, yeah I think I’d hate that.”

Roman gave an almost comical pout, pulling out the puppy dog eyes.

“Nope, absolutely not, you’re not getting me with that shit,” Virgil asserted, trying to maintain a firm tone as he came dangerously close to breaking into a smile. “Smother me twenty-four seven and I’ll dump you on the spot.”

Roman pulled a disbelieving face.

“You really think I’m buying that?” He smirked. “That you’d dump me for spoiling you absolutely rotten with my sweetness.”

He knew full well what he was doing.

“I need my space, princess,” he spoke, putting on a suave tone that he knew he wasn’t pulling off by the giggles that came from his boyfriend. “I gotta’ keep up the aesthetic.”

Roman brought Virgil’s hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

“Alright, alright, I respect the commitment,” he spoke, punctuated by kisses from Virgil’s hand up to his shoulder. “It’s so tragic that Mr. Misery Business would rather brood than swoon.”

“Who says I can’t have both?” He grinned. “I’m multi-faceted these days, babe. I have layers.”

Roman snorted a laugh, ducking his head right by Virgil’s ear.

“Layers,” he spoke with a heavy Scottish accent, his hands squeezing Virgil’s sides. “Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. We both have layers.”

“Oh my god,” Virgil cackled with laughter. “I hate it. I hate you, never speak to me again.”

Roman smirked, unfazed.

“But Virgil, that’s what friends do, they forgive each other.”

“One more word and you’re not getting any kisses for the rest of the week.”

“It’s already Friday.”

“Well, I don’t exactly want to punish myself in the process.”

Roman flushed a little at the rare admittance of affection.

“You think you couldn’t go a full week without any kisses?”

“I mean,” Virgil spoke, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t exactly want to find out.”

He answered with a chaste kiss to the other man’s temple. “I guess the world may never know.”

“If Logan were here right now, he’d probably try to get us to find out.”

“Well, then it’s a good thing I never listen to the ol’ poindexter anyways,” Roman grinned, quirking an eyebrow.

“Ahh, yes, my favorite thing about you,” Virgil teased with a sly smirk. “How you’d rather be eternally petty than have an ounce of rational thought in that pretty little head of yours.”

Roman gave an offended scoff.

“You know what, I’m just going to ignore everything you just said in favor of the fact that you called me pretty,” he defended with a humph.

“Oh, you like that?” Virgil continued teasing. “As if you don’t already know you're pretty.”

Roman feigned his innocence.

“I’m afraid I haven’t the slightest idea, darling. Perhaps you’ll have to enlighten me on what you find so appealing,” he drawled, his voice syrupy sweet in a way that would’ve made Virgil weak in the knees if they weren’t currently lying on top of each other. “My cute button nose? Thick, wavy locks? Maybe my taut, round buttocks?”

Virgil barked out a laugh, rolling his eyes with fond exasperation.

“Pull another Shrek quote out of that ass and I’ll see to it that you won’t be able to sit for a week—a full week.”

Roman froze, his eyes widening in surprise.

“Is…is that a threat or a promise?”

Virgil just groaned, shoving him until the hammock teetered and he panicked, clinging back onto the other man. “You’ve been spending too much time with your brother.”

“You may be right, but this is certainly more fun, I must admit,” he sighed happily.

“Just shut up and take a nap, princess.”

“As you wish, my love.”

[hualianff]

Untethered (Bonus II) 《Bonus I》

For the first time in his life, XL feels like he can speak without the pressures and expectations of being a prince weighing down on his shoulders. He watches his facial expressions in the mirror as he rambles about the various meetings he had for the day. The subtle dancing of his eyebrows, rapid blinking of his eyes, and pinched corners of his lips—all indicative of how animated he is when summarizing his duties that seemed more like work than anything else.

The fact that HC is here, brushing his hair, and listening with occasional intrigued hums make XL reinvigorated as his role as prince. Despite the demanding energy, control, and fairness the role takes, XL is incredibly grateful for the privilege and promises himself to continue to fulfill this purpose to the best of his abilities.

So far, XL believes he’s done a sufficient job, preparing to ascend to the throne. After hearing him speak, he secretly hopes HC thinks so too.

“Ah, San Lang, thank you for kindly tending to my hair. It looks wonderful,” XL says once he feels the final knots come undone by HC’s broad strokes.

“Of course it looks wonderful. It is His Highness, after all,” the pirate captain comments smoothly. XL can’t help but smile at the compliment.

HC goes to place the comb back on the vanity. He switches it out for a short ribbon that shimmers silver when hit by the moonlight.

“Allow me to do one more thing,” HC adds. He gathers all of XL’s hair to fall behind his shoulders, the strands still a bit damp. With practiced movements, HC parts the prince’s hair into three sections, then begins braiding the pieces into a thick, tight section.

XL licks his lips in anticipation. Though he’s had his hair styled a thousand times before, this is HC who currently braids his long locks, a gesture that seems a bit intimate.

Not that you mind, XL briefly thinks.

“How have the last few weeks treated San Lang?” He asks, reminding HC of his promise to talk about his days on the ocean. HC pulls the pieces of hair tighter, focused on creating a simple yet consistent and neat braided pattern for the prince.

“Troublesome. There’s a new pirate ship we have encountered several times. They said they want to challenge us for our water territories, which is a load of shit because the sea belongs to no one,” HC spits out heatedly. His tone is harsh but his touch is gentle as ever. “I honestly think the captain wants to mess with me. Make me question my reign as the ‘most feared, ruthless, and violent pirate to sail the waters.’”

“Oh. I see,” XL says hesitantly. He’s not very familiar with the inside knowledge of pirate ways and society other than what is generalized by the public. And the palace’s gossip, of course.

Suddenly, a rush of hot air tickles XL’s ear. XL locks eyes with HC through the mirror, heart stuttering at the dark, hungry look in the pirate’s eye.

“What does His Highness think?”

“Think about what?”

“My reputation. Does the real thing live up to your imagination?” HC questions with a sly smirk, quickly tying the ribbon at the end of the braid, then moving it to fall over XL’s right shoulder. XL only has a few seconds to marvel at the stunning handiwork before HC leans forward even more, urging XL to turn toward him, their faces mere centimeters apart.

The pirate captain smells like manly musk mixed in with the ocean breeze. XL nervously gulps.

“I- um,” XL starts, feeling his face heat up. “Hmm, maybe not entirely...”

HC’s eye slowly flits down XL’s face. XL remains still, mentally kicking himself for wondering what it would feel like to close the small gap and-

“Fair enough,” HC remarks, pulling away, leaving a rush of air in his wake. “I suppose I’m not the madman people say I am. After all, His Highness wouldn’t have let me into his room otherwise, no?”

Something hot burns inside XL’s gut. He had to let HC in! If the pirate were discovered by the palace guards, he’d be imprisoned indefinitely for sure! XL was simply doing an act of service for HC...nothing too outrageous like HC implied.

Nope, none at all.

“You’re blushing.“

“San Lang better take a good look around lest this is the only time I invite him into my room,” XL huffs out, resolutely facing forward and avoiding HC’s penetrating gaze.

“Forgive me, Your Highness. I was simply teasing,” HC says, though he doesn’t sound all that apologetic. “A prince like you must have many admirers to choose from. I shall not take this privilege for granted.”

“Admirers? Where on Earth did you get that from?” XL asks, appalled. He hasn’t taken interest in any of the brides his father provided, much less traveled to other kingdoms in a serious pursuit to find one to marry.

“Is there not a ball happening this coming week? For you to choose a suitable woman to become your queen?” HC inquiries nonchalantly. He tucks a rogue curl behind XL’s ear, the prince subtly leaning into the touch.

XL whips around in astonishment, braid flying to his other shoulder.

“How did you know!?”

“I have ears on land, my prince. Even when I’m out sailing the sea,” HC says. “We have also passed numerous royal ships carrying your guests for the celebration.”

XL wilts in his seat.

It’s not much of a celebration if XL hadn’t wanted to host an engagement ball in the first place. Years of his father’s insistent pushing have led to more frequent gatherings with other royalty in hopes that XL finds a fiancé.

Unlike his parents, XL wasn’t betrothed from a young age. Furthermore, he hasn’t expressed  any interest in marriage even once becoming an adult.

(“Your mother and I were married at twenty. You, my son, are already twenty-two,” the king always said. “You should quickly find a princess who catches your eye. The sooner you get yourself a wife, the sooner she will start learning her duties as queen.”)

XL has successfully put off marriage for a couple of years, deferring to his rigorous training schedule and duties as prince as an excuse. Fortunately, his mother is willing to let XL take his time, as the king isn’t set to retire anytime soon. After all, XL learning his responsibilities as king is the most important task.

HC instantly notices XL’s deflated expression. He attempts to backpedal.

“I had no right to bring that up. If this is something Gege does not want to discuss, then, by all means, he may change the subject,” HC says quietly. Respectfully.

“No. It is fine. It is by no means a secret at all. The ball has been scheduled for weeks now,” XL murmurs while looking at his bare feet. He fiddles with the long braid, smoothing over the tightly wrapped strands absent-mindedly. “I’m not actively looking for a wife or anything. At least, I don’t want to...”

“Your Highness-“

“San Lang.”

HC’s mouth snaps shut. He straightens his back with his shoulders set square, standing at attention in front of the Prince of Xianle.

“Could you do something for me? A small favor, if you will.”

“Anything,” HC immediately answers.

XL subconsciously chews on his lower lip, a habit that his closest friend SQX reprimands him for doing because it tears up both the old and healing skin. Easy to overdo, not a quick fix, SQX claims.

XL rises to his feet. He holds his hand out to the pirate, palm facing upwards.

Where’s My Love – SYML

“Will you dance with me?”

“I’m afraid gege will be sorely disappointed with this one’s lack of skill,” HC says as a matter-of-fact, but he doesn’t hesitate to accept XL’s hand, his long fingers blanketing XL’s own.

The prince’s heart skips a beat as the pirate pulls him close until their chests almost touch. XL feels small; HC’s heeled boots to XL’s bare feet exaggerate their height difference, XL only coming up to HC’s chest.

XL feels small but strangely, he wouldn’t want it any other way.

“San Lang needs only to follow my lead,” XL says, looking up with a smile. He properly intertwines their left and right hands, then places HC’s other hand on his shoulder. Finally, XL goes to hold the pirate’s waist, the thin fabric giving way to the hard muscle underneath.

“Gege must have danced with a lot of pretty women before,” HC muses, moving his feet as XL slowly guides him into a waltz. XL hopes it isn’t just him imagining a slow, romantic piece to harmonize their movements.

“Is San Lang jealous?” XL asks without thinking.

Goodness, did those words seriously just come out of his mouth? Other than his eyes widening in slight horror, XL schools his face into a calm expression, not wanting to seem conceited or even desperate.

HC peers down with a lazy smirk, almost crowding into the prince as they turn to dance in a circle. Despite XL’s effort to appear unfazed by the prospect of HC envying those who’ve had the opportunity to dance with the Prince of Xianle, the pirate still catches the hopeful flicker of XL’s eyelashes.

“A little bit. Though in a way, I’ve had my fair share of dances with Gege myself,” HC states proudly, referring back to their previous sparring sessions. The break in focus has HC stumbling over his feet, prompting XL to squeeze his waist as a reprimand to concentrate.

“Ah, yes. San Lang’s skill is undeniable in that aspect,” XL says, laughing. “He’s also the first and only man I’ve danced ever with.”

“What an honor,” HC purrs out, and then he lowers XL into an abrupt dip, holding the prince by his hip and upper back.

XL’s breath hitches, wondering how they seamlessly switched positions. HC tenderly stares down at the prince, a twinkle dimly reflecting in his left eye.

“San Lang...” XL whispers, clutching onto HC’s shoulders. His long braid feels heavy like rope where it hangs down, nearly touching the ground.

“Your Highness.”

Their faces are millimeters apart, skimming each other’s noses. They’ve never been this close before, especially not in the absence of any sort of weapon. No one besides the king and queen, palace servants, and bodyguards are even allowed to touch the prince.

Now here he is, in the arms of the infamous Crimson Rain, on the verge of letting himself want.

Tentatively, XL licks his lips before asking, “Why do you always come back?”

“Gege knows this answer too,” HC solemnly says.

XL tilts his chin up, eyelids starting to lower.

“I come back for you, my dear Prince.”

As HC leans down—still supporting XL’s weight—XL meets him halfway for their first proper kiss, alone together in the prince’s room where the pale moonlight spills through the balcony doors. It’s a light and airy peck, one that ends way too soon for XL’s liking.

When they pull apart, HC stands XL back up. The pirate notices XL’s robe has slid off one shoulder. He goes to pull it back up but XL quickly grasps his jaw for another kiss instead.

They part again.

“Just...one more-“ XL breathes out, adrenaline coursing through his veins. HC’s lips are warm and firm, easily pliable as they press deliciously against XL’s own. “...one more.”

HC gladly obliges.

Their kisses gradually pick up in pace, HC’s hands respectively exploring the span of XL’s back, his hips, and sides. XL eagerly pulls HC over to the edge of his bed, spinning them around so he can climb onto the pirate’s lap.

HC groans low in his throat, comfortably looping his arms around XL’s waist.

At this point, all of XL’s reservations have been cast aside and he’s going to act on the desires concerning a certain pirate that have been taunting him for months now, damn it.

XL surges forward with a force that knocks HC back against the soft mattress.

“Your Highness,” HC growls between kisses, still trying to cover up XL’s shoulder, and now his chest where the robe is loose enough to reveal noticeable cleavage. XL shifts a bit to align their hips, unintentionally rubbing against HC. “Shit-“

“Hua Cheng-“ XL hums, belatedly realizing his slip up. HC nips at his lip for his mistake.

“San L-lang,” XL mewls like the starved for affection prince that he is. HC’s tongue darts out to swipe across XL’s upper lip. Then, his lower lip.

XL naturally opens up for him, gasping as HC’s hot tongue licks inside his mouth with a dominance that consumes XL. The more XL lets his lust cloud his movement, the faster he feels himself harden.

When XL’s hands brush along HC’s hair, they accidentally graze onto his eyepatch. HC grunts in surprise, which has XL springing back as the situation of the last five minutes dawns upon him.

He sits up on HC’s thighs, placing his palms on the pirate’s chest. Underneath him, HC is a gorgeous vision–thick, wavy hair splayed out on XL’s pillow, lips swollen and spit-slicked.

“Oh my- oh my lord,” XL chokes out, completely breathless. “Was- was that t-too much?”

“Not at all, Your Highness,” HC replies with a rogue-ish smirk. “Come here.”

HC embraces his prince with long arms, squeezing tightly and pressing a series of kisses to the top of XL’s head. XL hesitantly rests his cheek on HC’s sternum, aware of how close their bodies are pressed together.

“Who knew Gege could kiss like that?”

“Like what?” XL questions petulantly.

“Like a shameless minx,” the pirate captain answers, chuckling when XL whines at the implication.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” XL shyly admits.

“Me too,” HC murmurs. XL lifts his head, crosses his arms on HC’s chest, then sets his chin on them. “Since the moment I saw you sitting alone at the pub.”

“You wanted to kiss the crown prince at first sight?” XL asks, pretending to be scandalized. HC kisses the tip of XL’s nose. XL scrunches it up in response.

“Hmm, my prince now.”

“Well, your prince would very much like it if San Lang stays the night.”

“I must be back at the harbor before dawn,” HC says, stroking XL’s hair. “However, I can most certainly afford to accompany Gege while he sleeps.”

XL happily snuggles close to HC, not worrying quite so much about the ball now that he has something going on with HC. To his astonishment, the pirate seems to return his affections quite enthusiastically. As a prince with the duty to serve his people, XL reckons he deserves this moment of happiness.

After another hour of blissful exchanging kisses and aimless conversation, XL feels himself begin to drift. He hears a whispered promise from HC who protectively curls around him.

“I will never bring you harm, Your Highness. Your heart is safe with me.”

XL falls asleep into a dreamless slumber.

***

Present...

As if it happens in slow motion, XL swings the sword with all the power he possesses. HC’s arms stretch open in vulnerability, lips forming into a small, understanding smile.

“Gege.”

Something inside XL shatters. The familiar term of endearment is for XL’s ears only. His heart pounds against his rib cage with the ferocity of an imprisoned soul, screaming at XL to ask not what he would wish for in death, but what is he willing to live for?

The answer is right in front of him.

“I’m back.”

Three things happen at once.

A deafening BOOM fires at the royal ship from the opposite direction, pitch-black flags with the symbolic skeleton of a fish piercing through the chilly air.

Simultaneously, a blinding flash of lightning strikes across the sky, signaling an even more intense downpour of rain that obscures everyone’s vision. Surprised screams echo somewhat mutely among the roaring winds.

Lastly, XL swings his sword so it barely skims the open blouse HC wears and keeps rotating until it crosses behind him, where he lets it go flying back to the royal ship.

At that moment, XL leaps forward into HC’s embrace, where those long arms encircle his waist, and both men are sent tumbling down into the crashing waves of the raging ocean.

《VI》

[hobbitsnapes]

the elf in the café chapter 1

A corpse husband story

(I do not own this photo, nor do I know where it originated from. All credit goes to the artist.)

Summary: Never in his life, did he think going to a cafe and meeting a Harry Potter nerd could change his life. (I’m shit at summaries)

A/N: H/N means his name, being that we don’t know what his actual name is currently.

The instant smell of coffee hit him as soon as he slept in, giving the entire atmosphere a warm, welcoming feel. That would be if his heart wasn’t hammering against his chest the closer he got to ordering. His palms growing damp in his pocket the closer he gets to the front desk.

He doesn’t even realize it the line has moved until he looks up, spotting the young woman behind the desk looking at him. “Hi what can I get for you?” His heart dropped at the question, forgetting what he was going to initially order. “Uh, tea, black tea.” He stammered, hoping they wouldn’t notice his hands shaking. “Okay coming right up sir.”

His feet dragged against the hardwood flooring, trying to calm himself down as he neared the back of the cafe. ‘It’s fine, you need to go out more.’ He repeats to himself. His heart finally calming down slightly as he sits, taking a sip of the bitter drink.

“Hi there um, mind if I sit here?” His heart steamers when he hears it, instantly looking up at the person, his breath getting caught in his throat. There stood a girl, with short black hair that framed her face. Glasses perched on her nose, they looked to be nearly falling off. She wore a dark red sweater over a white button up, tucked into black high waisted jeans. “I’m terribly sorry to ask, there’s just no other seats available. I just need to get some work done is all.” She says, voice calm but a hint of worry in it. He clears his throat, finally realizing he hasn’t said a word. “Uh yeah sure.” He replies, voice slightly wavering. “Thank you so much.” She replies, setting her laptop and notebook out.

They both sat in silence, neither paying much attention to one another. But he couldn’t help his curiosity, once in a while taking a look at her. Her brows furrowed slightly, clear concentration writen on her face. Fisher goes from reading from her laptop, to writing something down on her notebook. He wondered what she could be reading, curiosity nearly making him take a look at her papers. But she was way to close for him to, knowing she’ll catch him doing so.

She sat and tried not to pay kind to him, but it was hard doing do. She could feel him once in a while look at her, it never made her feel uncomfortable, or that she should move. She just couldn’t help but notice his eyes watching her once in a while as she wrote out the rough draft of her essay.

She took a large sip of her coffee, growing tired and hoping the warm drink would wake her up. Noticing that her drink was now empty.

“Here’s your refil maim. Have a good day.” The waitress says, walking away from the table. She starts chuckling, trying to cover her mouth to stop. He watched in wonder, questions flooding his mind. Why is she laughing? Does she know the waitress?

He looks at her in question, completely perplexed as to why she’s laughing at the meeer Exchange.

She let out one last chuckle, looking him in the eyes with a smile still on her face. “I’m sorry, I’m kinda weird. And my brain likes to come up with even weirder things. When she brought my drink over, all I could think was, master has given dobby chi latte, dobby is basic white girl!” She laughs, mimicking the elf’s voice. He spits his drink out, laughed bubbling out from him. Causing her to laugh even harder.

“No but seriously, it’s so mean how confusing some of those spells are, I mean what if one kid had a wicked lisp and couldn’t say it right.” She laughed, causing him to snort. “No what’s mean is, nobody ever thought to use the episkey spell to heal Harry’s eyes.” He laughs out, causing her to throw her head back in laughter.

Both of them sat in the corner of the cafe for hours, enjoying the small bubble they’ve created between them. It was strange, he hadn’t felt this easy in years. He wasn’t scared to talk to her, wasn’t worried about how he looked or if he said the right thing. Nothing, he truly felt at ease. His heart fluttering when he watched her laugh, it wasn’t the first by any means, but the look of sheer joy writen on her face was a sight he couldn’t look away from.

She couldn’t help but watch as his head throws back in laughter. Deep rumbling laughter erupt from his lips. She couldn’t look away even if she tried. His dark brown eyes barley visible behind his lashes peaked out like jems. His smile so warm, she couldn’t help but mimic it. His curly black hair kept falling in his face, watching as he continuily kept brushing it away.

“I can’t, I can’t.” He wheezes out, hand clutching his stomach. Tears fall from his eyes as laughter choked him up. “You know, I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard, since my mom told me about the time I tried flushing out cat down the toilet.” She laughs out, causing him to double over laughing. “What!” He laughs out. “I was like 4 okay. But anyway, whenever one of my fish died, my mom always told me to flush them down the toilet. She said it was a straight shot to heaven. Well our car had asthma, and it was really bad for a while. Well, my mom came home to hear the cat screaming. She went to go find where, and found me trying to force her into the toilet and flushing her. When she asked me later that night why I did it, I said, ‘you said it’s a straight shot to heaven!’ I promise I’m not a horrible person, I was just really stupid.” She laughs out, both now red in the face.

“I did not expect my day to go like this, but I can’t complain either.” He says, causing a smile to foarm on her face. “Me neither, I’m always by myself when I come here. It’s, nice having someone to talk to.” “Yeah, it is really nice.” He says, a smile etched on his face.

“Hey, I hate to say this, but I’ve gotta get back home.” He says, his heart panging at the sad expression on her face. “Oh It’s perfectly fine, I didn’t even see how long we’ve been here.” She says, her voice not matching the look on her face. “Speaking of which, I never got your name?” She asks. “It’s H/N. Yours?” “Y/N.”

As he walks out the door, he feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns around and sees her, his breath catching in his throat again. “Hey I don’t usually do this, but I had a really great time today. I was wondering if you’d maybe wanna do it again sometime?” She asks, her voice wavering and shaky. His heart fluttering again as a smile grows on his face. “I’d like that, you busy tomorrow? Same time?” He asks, smiling at the large smile on her face. “That’s perfect.” She says, a smile on her face as she walks away.

He tosses and turns in his bed, the idea of sleep long gone. He couldn’t help but think of her, how kind she was. He felt so at ease with her, feeling truly like a normal person. He wasn’t worried about anything, mind only focused on her. A smile grows on his face, wishing for the late hours to go by faster.

[bbmyungho]

Seventeen + an s/o with ADHD

a/n: sorry this isn’t an update on SNCTD; trust me, I’m just as excited as you guys to finish the story, but my mental health hasn’t been all that great lately if i’m being honest, and i’ve missed writing for svt so... two birds with one stone, y’know :) also, quick disclaimer: this specific reaction post will mainly center around my own experience with my ADHD/the symptoms that especially affect me. you may be able to relate to it, you may not, but i hope you enjoy it either way, i tried to include kind of a range of manifestations. if you don’t struggle with ADHD or ADD, i would definitely advise that you look into ways you can better understand people who do and maybe help them out, and if you do struggle with it, remember that you are valid and you matter so much no matter what your brain says or does <3 we all have days where we struggle to understand that, but i swear it’s true and i’m always here if you ever want to talk about it <3

s. coups/seungcheol

always reminding you to take care of yourself and your mental health first

he rubs your head and/or shoulders when you’re having trouble with grounding yourself and staying focused (like he does with jeonghan’s hair i <<<<</////3333)

he’s very good at disguising when he’s gently reminding you about things or encouraging you to get work he knows you have due soon done with jokes or banter (so you don’t feel bad about forgetting or getting distracted)

you bet he’s going to be up in the forums trying to figure out ways other people help out their loved ones and see if there’s anything else he can do to improve how he shows that he’s there for you

jeonghan

very gentle and patient

he hates the sound of his alarm but he keeps one in his phone to remind you to take your medicine (if you take it) because he knows if you’re doing something else when yours goes off you’ll just swipe off and forget about it

every once in a while just out of nowhere he’ll make it a point to remind you how special you are to him and make sure you know that you are so much more than your disability and you’re doing so well with it look at you go

encourages breaks like his life depends on it he really likes to hold you during your breaks pls let him love you

joshua

always brings an extra pair of headphones or an extra mask for you if you tend to misplace or forget things

he keeps reminders and notes about important events or appointments in your schedule in his phone alongside all of his stuff so he can a) know what you’re up to every once in a while and b) make sure you get there on time and prepared with a good luck text from your wonderful boyfriend :)))

he doesn’t mind having to repeat himself if you’re zoned out and he always reminds you you don’t have to apologize when you ask him to; he understands you’re not just uninterested, and he wants to help you get out of the cycle of apologizing for something you can’t control

your hyperfixations become his hyperfixations: he might not be able to really invest in them like you do but he will watch whatever show you want or listen to whatever music

plus whatever he sees when he’s out that relates to it or reminds him of you, he’ll pick it up; v supportive in your hyperfixations!!

jun

jun is a godsend for really bad executive dysfunction days omg

i feel like if you’re ever struggling to get your thoughts in order or think of the right word to say, he knows exactly what you mean and he’ll help you out with it

also i feel like he’s pretty good at keeping up with stuff if you’re super forgetful or tend to misplace things???

like you’ll be looking for your headphone case or something in your bag and he’ll pull it out of his jacket pocket like “oh you asked me to hold them earlier sorry i didn’t give them back” 

probably better at keeping up with your stuff than is he is his own ffs

hoshi/soonyoung

idk if anyone else really does this but i tend to isolate myself especially when i feel like i’m being really overzealous or obnoxious

but soonyoung absolutely hates when you do that

he tries to make it as clear as humanly possible that you could never ever be a burden or an annoyance to him and he likes to sit with you whenever you don’t feel like talking to people

he’s a pretty loud and energetic guy himself so i feel like if you’re having a hard time controlling your hyperactivity he’ll just match your energy

if he catches you picking at your nails or playing with your fingers a lot (just generally fidgeting a lot), he’ll pull you up to dance with him and you’ll let some of that energy out together :)

wonwoo

i feel like wonwoo is super sensitive to your needs and experiences specifically

like he knows exactly how you need him to react when you’re on the verge of tears because you’re so frustrated with yourself for not being able to focus or when you get overstimulated

he’s a pretty chill guy anyways so i feel like overstimulation isn’t a big problem with wonwoo, at least when it’s just you two; when it does happen, he’s content to sit in silence with you as long as you need him to and just hold your hand or stare at your cute face until you feel like you can breathe again

if you’re in need of stimulation, he’ll read to you aloud or turn the sound of whatever game he’s playing up so you can hear what’s going on, too

woozi/jihoon

100% composes little songs for you to listen to for whatever mood you’re in or whatever amount of stimulation you need

i feel like he’s quite awkward dealing with big shutdowns or panic attacks if you get really frustrated or over/under stimulated but he tries his best to be there for you when you need him

much like soonyoung, if you’ll let him sit with you when you feel like no one wants to see you or you don’t want to bother anyone, he’ll jump at the chance

dk/seokmin

sweet boy is so patient and kind :(((

he doesn’t care how many times you trip over your words or have to restart a sentence, he’ll wait for you to finish and will listen intently

he looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky doesn’t matter what kind of dumb shit you’re doing or saying

no matter what your brain comes up with or how out of left field it may seem, he’s always got something to say right back that will match your energy babes 

mingyu

mingyu hums to you to help you fall asleep 100%

he can listen to you talk for forever so if your ADHD manifests itself in talkativeness, he’s just that much happier

he always asks if you’ve eaten and will cook for you if you say you’ve forgotten or just haven’t gotten around to it

he likes it when you play with his hands or when he feels your knee bouncing against his if you’re having trouble sitting still, he thinks it’s kinda cute and just a little reminder that you’re there 

the8/minghao

minghao is a man of many talents and interests so he’s always got you with something to do if you’re feeling burnt out on your other interests or just generally bored

will grab your hand and play with your fingers if he notices you picking at your skin/nails a lot or cracking your knuckles

or like if he’s wearing rings that day he’ll hand you one so you can play with it 

that way you’re still receiving some sort of stimulation but you’re not literally tearing skin off of your hand or about to break your wrists so win-win

seungkwan

he likes to play song association games with you sometimes, whether it be an attempt to help with your dysfunction or just to see how far out of line you guys can get

he always sends you a good morning text with a reminder to take your medicine (again, if you’re medicated) and wishing you a great day

if you get frustrated and sad with yourself then he’ll get sad as well and do everything in his power to cheer you up

he’s always encouraging you and making it a point to remind you that you’re valid and you’re doing your best even if it feels like you aren’t

vernon

mans doesn’t know where or what he is half the time tbh so i don’t think executive dysfunction would be too much of a problem for him

you two communicate without words all the time, you understand each other better than anyone else

he’s pretty go with the flow like he can be just as hyper and loud and energetic as you or he can just lay there with you cuddled up on his chest, it doesn’t matter to him, he just wants to match your energy

he tries to listen to you well and learn as much as he can about ways he can help when you need him to

like joshua, will probably carry around extra headphones or an extra mask or something just incase you misplace or forget yours

dino/chan

he’s a bit clueless, at least at first, but he tries really hard to learn

he probably is the type to carry a fidget spinner or some sort of fidget device for you to play with if those kinds of things help you

he’s also probably very awkward about handing it to you because idk he’s just weird??

always happy to try out new things with you when you’re feeling burnt out on your old hobbies or try to teach you a new dance routine or something to keep you occupied